Hello lovely humans,
We are living in strange times right now, learning to adjust to a new reality. Many in our consensually non-monogamous community are separated from their partners as we deal with social distancing and restricted ability to travel. We also have challenges of not knowing how long this will last. It can make even the most resilient person start to feel lonely and isolated.
Yet we all still have the desire for human connection, the sense of belonging, the need for love and appreciation, to be cherished and feel valued. Also combating loneliness is important and rewarding work – especially in trying times like these. My heart feels so full of love at this time, going out to each and every one of you and the trials that you are each experiencing. Let’s help one another and be an emotional support system to make us all stronger and more resilient.
So how can we still connect with our lovers / intimates during times such as these?
Being connected is like many parts of a relationship…understanding needs. Some folks need more or less connection than others. Also, some are more communicative than others (so you may not hear from some as much as you’d like). Keep in mind their love language and how they like to feel and experience love. Are they “speaking” to you in their language (not yours)? More on that in a minute.
Those in my g-g-g-generation may remember the song “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” (You know… “No need to be coy, Roy…”). Well I am offering today a list of “50 Ways to CONNECT with your Lover (even during a pandemic).” This is just the beginning of this list, and I would LOVE for us to come together as a community and make this list longer, stronger, brighter, better! I brainstormed the first 35. Please write in the comments on this blog, or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with YOUR bright and creative ideas. Then I will add them to this list. Let’s do this, rock stars!
- Have date night over video chat or Marco Polo, getting dressed up and having a meal together.
- Take turns reading pages from a book together, over video chat or phone.
- Do arts and crafts together or pick a recipe and cook it at the same time, over video chat or phone.
- Have a costume party wearing silly or outrageous outfits, over video chat or phone.
- Play a multiplayer video game online, such as Halo.
- Make short text like videos for each other to stay connected. Get creative!
- Since many of us are working from home, stay on the phone for 8+ hours as you work. It can help with loneliness and makes the work day go a little faster. Even when not talking, it’s nice to know they are there on the other end of the line.
- Watch movies together using the party chat feature on your PlayStation or similar device. We also recommend Netflix Party for synchronizing TV/movie watch sessions.
- Sharing / connecting in online social communities. Not in one? Find one, click “Join” and get involved, such as our Loving Without Boundaries community!
- Go on a walk and chat together outside if you can (practicing social distancing), over video chat or phone.
- Use FaceTime, stay up and talk or play favorite songs online together.
- Speaking of songs, make a “mixed tape” (remember those?) via a playlist on YouTube or Spotify, and surprise your partner with it. How romantic! This idea always makes me think of the John Cusack movie “High Fidelity.” (oooh! There’s a movie you can watch together!)
- Do a little something to stay in touch with loved ones every day if you like, even with just texts or emojis.
- If you’re into board gaming, discord and tabletop simulator is really fun.
- Use an app called Roll 20 that lets you play games together online.
- Write letters to each other – that is definitely a lost art. Bring it back!
- Better yet, put your writing skills to the test and write a LOVE LETTER. In those letters, consider allowing yourself to be truly vulnerable, expressing how you really feel, what you appreciate and cherish about them. Then see what magic happens after that.
- Write erotica to each other, either with each of you as the main characters, or build a story together (going back and forth) with fictitious characters. This can be hella-fun, light-hearted, sexy, and even humorous.
- Practice self-care. While this may seem unrelated to connecting with your partners, yet it isn’t. Even though you may be physically separated from your partners, you still impact them emotionally and, if we are all caring for ourselves, we are better able to support each other and the relationships.
- If they are local, drop off flowers, or their favorite snack or drink, or a meal on their front stoop. For added fun, leave a sweet note. Then safely go back home, texting or calling them to let them know there is some sweet love on their doorstep.
- If they are local, write love notes in chalk on their driveway or front steps (then get back home safely).
- Send a postcard with sweet sentiments or a light-hearted note on it.
- Be emotionally available for your loved ones intentionally (when you have the capacity to do so), holding space for them. This can help you strengthen your empathy muscles and your relationships, and helps make those around you feel seen and heard. This article is about deepening friendships, but has some great ideas in it that I have shared here.
- Over video or chat, talk about sexy or romantic things you will do for each other or with each other when you can finally be back in each other’s arms. Describe it in detail. How will it feel? What will you wear? Then what will happen next? Spice this up with pictures.
- Bestow sincere compliments in a super meaningful way about each other in a group thread. Maybe I’m projecting because words of affirmation are my main love language. Yet I can tell you, this feels delicious, so emotionally yummy, and helps create connection and intimacy. We call it “Expressing an Appreciation.”
- Want some levity? How about some of these funny videos for our strange times. Video #1: Stay The Fuck At Home
- Funny Video #2: Hello (from the Inside): An Adele Parody by Chris Mann
- Funny Video #3: “Go home!”: Mel Brooks and son Max share a comedic PSA on the coronavirus
- Are you and your loved ones creative? How about you invent a song or parody yourselves, create and collaborate it together, and send it out to the world to help spread some smiles! Smiles are contagious too! 🙂
- Are you musical talented? Learn a new song, record it, and send it to your lover with a sweet note as a unique gift.
- Don’t know your love languages out of the Five Love Languages? You and your partners can take this quiz to find out. Then you can share your answers with each other, have a lively discussion about your results, and what it means for your relationships.
- Go to an online show together, staying connected (via text or video chat) while you enjoy the show! Here’s one I recommend from the amazing Melanie Moseley this coming Saturday… Sexology, The Musical! Online
- Go to an online dance party together, shaking your groove thing while luxuriating in your shared passion together as you dance. At the Loving Without Boundaries Facebook community, we are having dance parties every week (this week it is Saturday at 6pm EST). Join us after you become part of our community! Bring your favorite songs and we’ll add them to the playlist.
- Masturbate together. Yes that’s right. Turn on that video chat or call each other, take a nice hot bath or luxuriate in your favorite space, and have virtual “sex”. Make sure to wash your hands vigorously before and after. Most importantly, have some intimate fun with your lover virtually!
- Watch your favorite porn together over video chat or phone. Feel free to pleasure yourselves as you do this. Remember: Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!
- Watch online concerts together that are starting to pop up online. One of my favorite performers is Karl Werne. If you follow him on Facebook, you will be alerted to the concerts he is giving from his backyard.
- This just in from my God Daughter! She just invested “Not Hide and Seek.” One person hides (bring your phone). And instead of physically looking for them, the other person (or people) try to GUESS where they are hiding in their home. Or come up with your own game!
- A Group Cleaning Game: Turn up the heat, draw the curtains, and do all the housework naked as fast as you can. Of course do this on video via your laptop or phone so you can watch each other, and hopefully cackle your heads off as you are also being productive AND sexy with your beloved! (very creative and from an LWB community member).
- Have a partner’s birthday coming up soon, and wondering how to make them feel special during a pandemic? How about making a video montage: Get a bunch of loved ones/partners to create a 10 to 30 second video message. Then edit them all together into a 5-minute birthday wish, and post it on their wall or email it to the birthday loved one.
- Download the group video chat House Party app as another option to stay in touch with loved ones. NOTE: Make sure to point to the lock / unlock button. Unless the meeting is locked, any friend of any participant can join.
- Create your Owner User’s Manual (link to online course offered by podcast interviewee Melanie Moseley) and share it with members of your polycule. This manual can maximize the way others interact with you. Develop a living document that you can share with intimate and/or sexual partner(s) or anyone else that needs to know the inner workings of you.
- Challenge members of your polycule to a game of Cards Against Humanity using an online app or get creative and just play it over a Zoom Meeting with the set you have on hand at home, making up your own rules for how to do that remotely.
- Check out various online offerings by Empowered Pleasure, taking online classes with your lovers and polycule members remotely, enjoying the learning and the lively conversation that ensures.
- How about play some Social Distancing Board Games. Ticket to ride, Carcassonne, and Splendor are well done transfers to PC and fun with just two people.
- Create your very own Selfie Strip Tease! Take all the photos in advance, so you can send them in order without stressing out.
- Make a sign and take a photo with your special sign somewhere near you locally that holds sentimental value to you and your loved one.
- Select a hug proxy – a stuffed animal, pillow, or pet who can receive your hugs. Take selfie pics and tell your lover you are imagining your special hug receiver is them. Awwww….
- Play Jackbox Games (Drawful, Fibbage, or You Don’t Know Jack) over any video call service with screen sharing. Similar to the above, play “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes.” One person handles the bomb, and everyone else reads the manual online to provide instructions. As a bonus, it’s a great way to gauge communication skills under pressure.
- Take a virtual tours together of a museum or art exhibit.
- “Sleep together” by falling asleep next to your phones while on a video call (ala Kimchi Cuddles comic depiction). Yay!
Huge shoutout to the Loving Without Boundaries community for some of these suggestions, Tikva Wolf of Kimchi Cuddles for the comic, and Stacey Capps from Open Love NY for the last five creative ideas to complete our list. Yay! Look out for my podcast interview with Stacey coming out soon!
If you would like to have an authentic, clarifying conversation with me so we can discuss ways to help you create loving, happy, secure, and exciting open relationships, feel free to learn more about my coaching services here. Then the button at the bottom of that page will offer you the opportunity to book a FREE Breakthrough Session with me – taking you directly into my calendar. I look forward to speaking with you!