An artist, writer, activist & unshakable optimist
A born-and-raised Philly girl with nothing more than passion, a laptop and a dream, I’m proud to have created a socially conscious mission that touches thousands. I am passionate about helping people understand that they have a choice in relationships and their lives in general.
We can all CHOOSE to conduct our lives using ethics, integrity, and honesty.
And then be proud of who we see in the mirror, increasing self-worth (reducing depression, shame and guilt). And if monogamy is not working for you, you can choose ethical non-monogamy or polyamory.
People cheat. LOTS of people cheat. And many more people get hurt by their partners’ infidelity. I am partly fascinated by why people cheat. Being a former cheater myself I at least know why I cheated. And I also know how bad and guilty it made me feel. I used to think there was something wrong with me. I had no idea there was another way to be or to act or to handle relationships back then. I’m irritated that I was never taught that there was another way. I also grew up in a Catholic school being told that sex was only for procreation, homosexuals were evil, and even THINKING about sex or (gasp) masturbating was a surefire way to go to hell. This is a horrible thing to teach our children, and I have spent my entire adult life undoing the damage of this teaching. I even suffered from a form of sexual dysfunction myself for years partly because I had f*cked up feelings and guilt built up around sex. Sex negativity is destructive. Let’s end it!
I am passionate about creating awareness and tolerance for alternative lifestyles and sexualities to help pave the way for future generations to choose as they please free of discrimination, exclusion and stigma.
I believe that monogamy has been taught exclusively as the ONLY choice. Though monogamy can be a viable and wonderful option for some, it just plain doesn’t work for everybody. We are all living longer in this day and age. How are ALL humans expected to be exclusive with just one partner for decade after decade (and the facts show us otherwise anyway)? It just doesn’t make any sense to me as it’s completely unrealistic. I believe we should all have a choice in how we conduct our relationships and our marriages. I believe we all have the right to self-determination (the freedom to make our own choices). I also am a sex positive person and believe in the philosophy of “sex is fun and pleasure is good for you.” I unfortunately know that WAY too many people are walking around hating themselves or wracked with guilt – and I think so much of it is unnecessary. They feel shame either because they are cheating or want to, or are confused by their desires. I think if we teach people at a younger age that there are more options in relationships than hetero-normative monogamy and that they have a CHOICE, the world would be a happier place. Also I think sex negativity is rampant. Let’s create a more sex positive environment for all of us! Our bodies are beautiful! Masturbate if you want to!
We need a love movement. A humanity movement. A human rights movement in America. A movement that embraces and fights furiously for the fundamental rights of all human beings. This includes the right to housing, safety, meaningful employment, reproductive choice, and the right to the free expression of our sexuality. We need a revolution of love and hope.
Carmen Vázquez
Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Alliance Co-Chair
Kitty’s Personal Journey
Kitty Chambliss is a pen name that I use for myself as the founder of this blog, podcast and movement. The pen name is necessary due to the day-time jobs of myself and my intimates. Unfortunately, there is still discrimination against those practicing polyamory and ethical non-monogamy in the workplace and the world at large. This website serves to help create more awareness and acceptance for such unconventional lifestyles and those who practice them, as well as provide me with a vehicle to share knowledge that I have gained though my experiences and explorations being polyamorous.
Background
I came to the polyamorous lifestyle somewhat by accident, but looking back, I was always polyamorous but did not know this lifestyle choice was available to me. I grew up in a Catholic school setting being taught that sex was “dirty” and only for procreation and many other negative and demeaning things that I don’t believe today. I have spent much of my adult life undoing the damage that was done by this teaching in my formative years. It wasn’t until high school and college that I really started to question these teachings as not fitting my belief system and who I was becoming.
I considered myself a “cheating serial monogamist” for much of my dating life in my twenties and beyond, and eventually developed a distaste for the lies, secrecy, and feeling of not being authentic that went along with it. When I met my husband-to-be, we both agreed that our previous NON ethical non-monogamy (aka “cheating”) was a behavior that we no longer wanted to engage in. We decided to manage our relationship and later our marriage how we saw fit, and not necessarily along the lines of what we felt society dictated that we do. If it felt good and healthy to us, we were going to write our own rules.
Eventually a good friend introduced me to a book called “The Ethical Slut”, which is regarded by some as the “bible” of polyamory. I was deeply moved by the writings in this book, and shared it with my husband. It was quite exhilarating! We felt that we had finally found a text that described who we were, who we wanted to be, and how we saw our lives possibly unfolding.
Today
After reading many books, blogs, and articles on the topic of polyamory, I eventually met the man who remained my boyfriend for almost five years. Currently I am thrilled to say that I have a newer love in my life, my fantastic sweetheart – who is sooo rocking my world! We have been together for five years, and he has been living with us for four. Yay! In addition we also have a network of close lovers and friends of myself and my husband. Recently my husband and I celebrated our seventeenth anniversary of our first date, and are just as loving, affectionate, and happy as ever. Our amazing poly family is growing and that brings me so much joy. Life is grand, and I enjoy learning more every day!
I truly believe that we can improve the quality of our lives by improving the quality of our relationships. I believe that at the end of each of our life journeys, it is love and the quality of our connections that we will cherish and hold dear to our hearts, no matter which path you choose to get there (polyamory, monogramy, or otherwise). Being vulnerable means knowing who you are and having the courage to share it with those you love. I encourage you to be uniquely and un-apologetically you, because when you’re you, it gives other people permission to be them. And that is one of the best gifts you could give.
Lastly I believe in loving freely, honestly, and openly and having sex-positive relationships. I partly live my life based on the motto that “sex is fun and pleasure is good for you.” I believe in feeling love deeply and expressing it openly, and exploring where it takes me. I welcome others to learn and possibly share in the joy of loving without boundaries – if you so choose. Enjoy! 🙂