Podcast Interview: Jessica Fern Cooley – Psychotherapist, Non-Monogamy Specialist, National Speaker

Cheers Sexy People!

I am tickled pink to share my latest podcast interview with the lovely, the amazing, the wicked smart Jessica Fern Cooley, psychotherapist and national speaker! I was fortunate enough to first meet Jessica when she attended my “Sex Positivity and Alternative Relationships as a Spiritual Path” workshop at the Beyond The Love 2018 conference. When she started asking really smart questions, offering valuable feedback, and was simply being a highly engaged attendee, I had no idea that she was one of the presenters! Ha! Later in the weekend, I attended her “Couples Transitioning from Monogamy to Polyamory and Staying Together” presentation which was standout fabulous! Beautiful slides (hey, I’m a designer by day and appreciate such things), incredible information, and fantastic presentation skills. So mad impressed! We became fast friends as the weekend progressed and she got to meet both of my partners. She also gave me this freaking awesome testimonial for my Keynote Address at the BTL18 conference that I delivered Friday night. Here it is:

“Kitty is a remarkable speaker! She gave one of the best keynote talks that I’ve been to in years and did an amazing job at braiding the inspiring, with the practical and the fun. Kitty was able to touch our hearts, expand our minds and also get us on our feet to shake our groove. I couldn’t recommend her more!” — Jessica Fern Cooley

Jessica! You are an inspiration, a beautiful human being with a gorgeous heart. I am so honored to know you! You flipping rock! See you in a few hours at Southwest Love Fest 2019, sister!

Here is Jessica’s bio from her website:

I grew up in a neighborhood well acquainted with violence and a family considerably impacted by divorce, multi-generational trauma, substance abuse and interpersonal discord. The effects of these experiences were challenging for many years, but through the therapeutic process I was able to reclaim my strength, build resiliency, create relationships that I was nourished by and live from a heart that was open instead of fearfully protected. This journey began with investing my time and resources in workshops, retreats and therapy in order to heal myself, rewire my reactivity, re-invent certain relationships, while letting go of others and comfortably stand in the ways I’m different.

This process wasn’t easy or linear (and is always ongoing!), but eventually evolved into committing my life to the study and application of conflict resolution, therapy, transformation, communication and body based mindfulness practices. My personal and professional journey has led me to the knowing that I find the most meaning and inspiration through collaborating with others who are looking for growth and change in their lives or relationships—people who no longer want to be held back from what the past, culture, or norms say should be, but instead want to live through their preferred expressions of self, relationship and reality.

Some topics we discuss in this lovely, educational, and fascinating interview:

— Jessica describes her “aha moment with both her sexuality and relationship structures and choices, and how the book “Sex At Dawn” impacted her, and how it helped re-write alot of her history.
— She talks about her 4-year old son and how much he understands today about non-monogamy and her relationships.
— Some of Jessica’s challenges: Learning how to manage jealousy episodes, metamour relationships, and shame resilience (as it relates to jealousy and STI testing).
— One question that Jessica ponders is: What is our Shame to Self-Worth Ratio? She offers a lovely discourse on this important topic.
— We have a great conversation about a book I recently read called “Why Won’t You Apologize?” by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. that I picked up at the famous Powell’s bookstore in Portland, Oregon.
— Jessica discusses her upcoming workshops that she will be presenting at Southwest Love Fest with the Drama Triangle and the seduction of blame in our lives and relationships.
— Jessica shares where she is at personally in her life and relationships, and how marriage has not truly served her and her husband.
— One of Jessica’s specialties is the concept and spectrum of secure attachment, especially in non-monogamous relationships, which she discusses in depth. She discusses how the structure of polyamory is inherently insecure and how we can navigate that.
— We have a good laugh about what she finds the most surprising thing about her journey with non-monogamy: Dick Pics! Hahaha! Tune in for the laughs.

Thank you Jessica, for being so awesomely generous with your time; for your amazingly informative presentations that you share so generously; and for sharing your wisdom and insights with us via the podcast interview! It was enlightening, engaging, and so fun! Follow her work and adventures at her website at JessicaFernCooley.com and on YouTube @ThePolyPrincess.

If you would like to be interviewed either in written form or via audio on the podcast, please feel free to contact me and we will set something up. Thank you!

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT OFFER – We continue to have some exciting goings on here at Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). We now have exclusive content for you via the LWB podcast and my Patreon page for those who choose to become a patron. Please visit the link to check out how you can come join the party over at Patreon! Want to hear more from our amazing interviewees? You got it! Want to dig deeper into the community and your fellow poly folk? Right on, let’s do it! Want free relationship coaching? It’s all there! Come join us, and enjoy exclusive content made just for you, our patrons of this work!

NOTE: Soon I will be offering a monthly group “hangout” and coaching calls for all of our podcast patrons at any level. If you are supporting the podcast, I am supporting you on your journey. Come join us and meet like-minded folks on the same journey you are!

UPCOMING POLYAMOROUS-FRIENDLY EVENTS

1) Free LWB Facebook Group for Healthy, Sex Positive, Open Relationships — Ready to explore healthy, deeply connected (and virtually jealousy-free) open relationships? It’s all possible – especially when surrounded by a community of people already doing it. Many in newly open relationships experience roller coaster emotions of jealousy, insecurity, and feel alone on their journey. That’s why I created this free Facebook group where people are coming together to share actionable tips for succeeding in multiple loving relationships, explore deeper love, and find mutual understanding and support. There’s an abundance of rock star information posted in the group daily by our amazing members. We create a safe place to engage that’s fun and thrilling! Click here and request to join our free group!

2) Southwest Love Fest (SWLF), Tucson, Arizona, March 29–31, 2019 — “The Southwest Love Fest is a weekend conference on consensual non-monogamy held annually in Tucson, AZ with opportunities to learn, share and connect with other like-minded people. We had a hugely successful 1st year in 2018 and plan to make it even better for 2019! Taking what we learned this past year, 2019 is set to be even more radical, thought-provoking, and transformational. SWLF is an open space to find community and learn from others’ diverse relationship experiences.” NOTE: I will be there presenting my “Jealousy Survival Guide” workshop at SWLF 2019! Come join us at this fun polyamorous conference!

3) National Sex Educator Conference (NSEC), Newark, New Jersey, April 5, 2019 — The Center for Sex Education (CSE) has been hosting an annual Sex Ed Conference since 1985. What started as a one-day conference for New Jersey health educators has grown into the largest conference in the United States that is exclusively devoted to sexuality education. Participants attend from across the nation and many other parts of the world to network and learn best practices in sexuality education, addressing a spectrum of topics, audiences, and ages. NOTE: I will be presenting at the 7:30am Friday Round Table discussions on: “Polyamory In Practice: Understanding Consensual Non-monogamy.”

4) Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit (SFS), Alexandria, Virginia, August 15–18, 2019 —The Sexual Freedom Summit features human rights activists, sexuality educators and researchers, professionals from the legal and medical fields, authors, sexual freedom movement leaders and organizational partners all working toward the time when sexual freedom is fully recognized as a fundamental human right. This Summit is for EVERYONE interested in learning about the issues in the realm of sexual freedom, advancing their current knowledge and in gaining the tools to actually create the change we need to accomplish. I hope to see you there!

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Wishing you peace, love and happiness
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)

Kitty

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