Cheers Sexy People!
I am absolutely thrilled to share my latest podcast interview with you – both Part One and Part Two – that I recently recorded with Shadeen Francis whom I met at last year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit (SFS). We actually met at the final brunch and just really hit it off, stayed in touch, and starting supporting each other’s work whenever we were able to. It was my honor to host Shadeen at my home this year for when she was presenting again at this year’s SFS when she gave a workshop called: “Centered at the Margins: Decolonizing our Approaches to Trauma” alongside Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke, PhD. Given all of the experiences in my own life, such as depression, infertility, and other traumatic losses, I find myself drawn to learnings and workshops around trauma, and the subsequent self-care that is required to heal. In the workshop, Shadeen dives deep into the ways we can invalidate trauma in ourselves and others, and how we can support each other. She defines trauma as a valid emotional experience of pain that is as individual as the person involved. Acknowledging and validating another person’s deep disappointment and hurt can create such powerful connections between us as those around us. Emotional intelligence – realizing that our feelings are indicators that give us much useful information – is another point that was focused on in the workshop. Shadeen! You are such an amazing, intelligent, compassionate, and giving human being. I love you! This interview just rocks!
Some other topics we discuss in this fascinating, jam-packed interview:
— The three biggest issues that come up in her work with consensually non-monogamous folks: trust, boundaries, and self-care
— Broken trust such as when one partner “could not maintain transparency”
— We are wired to protect ourselves from danger, so we learn more from negative experiences versus positive (thus we need more positive to outweigh a negative)
— The difference between honesty and transparency (making an effort to really show truth with good faith, or “showing your hands”)
— Shadeen’s formula for trust: trust = transparency + consistency over time
— Shadeen believes we re all: feelers, thinkers, and doers
— Figure out our hard (or “big”) YES’s and hard NO’s (as well as the spaces in between eventually to see where flexibility lies)
— How we are not great predictors about how we feel about a situation / event until we are in it
— Active Listening as a communication technique
— Creating safe “containers” for our relationships (knowing when NOT to talk about things, especially in terms of availability and safety – both physical and emotional)
Shadeen Francis, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author. She has over 7 years of experience training, supporting, and collaborating with non-profit organizations, medical schools, homeless shelters, and university counseling centres. Her work allows people of all backgrounds to improve their relationships and live the lives they desire.
As a corporate trainer, Shadeen’s areas of expertise include community building for organizations, multicultural competence, healing from trauma, and exploring sexuality. She speaks internationally on topics such as sexual self-esteem, inclusivity in medical care, and the intersections between power and social media. Her curricula on healthy relationships are implemented nationally, and her signature combination of warmth, humour, and compassion has allowed her to develop inter-professional training programs that raise the bar for humanistic healthcare.
Shadeen’s belief is that the world is built on the strengths of communities. This worldview has propelled her to empower people to have difficult conversations with respect and understanding. Outside of the office, Shadeen continues this work through her passion for writing, research, and program development.
Shadeen received a Master of Science in Couple and Family Therapy, with a specialization in Sex Therapy from Thomas Jefferson University. She completed her undergraduate education at McMaster University with a combined honours degree in Neuroscience, Psychology, and Behaviour, with a minor in Sociology.
Thank you Shadeen, for being so awesomely generous with your time, for all of your educational / outreach pursuits and therapy work, and for sharing your thoughts, wisdom and insights with us via the podcast interviews Part One and Part Two! It was informative, inspirational, and so fun! Follow her work at her website shadeenfrancis.com or on Twitter @shadeenfrancis.
To hear the podcasts, go to the Podcast link here, subscribe to the Loving Without Boundaries podcast, and check out Episodes 68 and 69 with Shadeen. Also, please help spread awareness of alternative lifestyles and create more tolerance for consensual non-monogamy in the world at large by Rating and Reviewing the Loving Without Boundaries podcast in iTunes. It only takes a few minutes.
If you would like to be interviewed either in written form or via audio on the podcast, please feel free to contact me and we will set something up. Thank you!
I recently had the honor and privilege of being interviewed on “Living A Sex Positive Life” Podcast that I learned about at this past year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. I had a delightful conversation with Angelique and John where we discussed about all things polyamorous, sex-positive, St. Andrew’s Cross, and how jealousy can impact our relationships. Tune in to hear Episode 51 to join the conversation. You can find Living A Sex Positive Life on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher Radio, or YouTube.
Beyond The Love – December 1–3, Columbus, Ohio
I will be attending the 5th Annual Beyond The Love conference in Columbus, Ohio, December 1-3, 2017. I will be there sharing copies of my new upcoming book: “Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy and secure in an open relationship.” The book will also be offered as one of the items available in the now in-famous “silent auction” that Dan, Dawn and Karen offer. Yay!
NSEC – December 6–9, Atlantic City, NJ
Lastly, I am absolutely honored and THRILLED to have been selected as one of the presenters at this year’s National Sexual Educators Conference, Decembr 6-9, 2017 at Atlantic City, New Jersey. I will be speaking on Friday, December 8th from 2:15 to 3:15pm. My talk is titled: Polyamory In Practice: Understanding Consenual Non-monogamy. I feel this is a major step that the NSEC is taking action to learn more about the polyamorous community, seeking to understand how to serve them better. If any sexual educators are reading this, feel free to reach out to me. I’d love to set up a 15 minute informational interview with you to learn more about how I can serve you in my 60 minute talk and workshop. What are you most looking to understand and know about polyamory / consensual non-monogamy to serve your clients, patients, and community?
The NSEC hashtags are: #SexEdConference, #NSEC17, and #SexEdAccepted
See you on the flip side, lovely community! Keep being brave, compassionately vulnerable, and uniquely and authentically you!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)