Cheers Sexy People!
I’m excited to announce the next podcast interview that just went live! Wendy took the awesome initiative to reach out to me via my Contact link here on my website. She felt strongly that there is not enough discussion about those practicing “solo polyamory” – meaning those not in a couple structure who often prefer to date others as “their own primary”. “Couple privilege” is taken off the table and the individual is dating as a free agent per se (for more on definitions, see the Glossary page here on this website).
Being that I am happily married and God-willing plan to stay that way, I personally can’t speak from the solo polyamorists’ perspective. Wendy spoke so eloquently and passionately, I invited her to be on my podcast so that she can “represent” and speak her mind to the community. She said in her first email to me: “One thing I’ve noticed (and noticed about the poly community in general) is that it’s very couple-centric… I was hoping to see some more soloists in the future.” Well you go, girl! Thanks for putting your money where your mouth is and being brave enough to share an interview with all of us! You rock!
Here are some of her other thoughts that she shared with me in her initial email:
“One of the things that I’ve discovered is that a lot of the jealous feelings I was experiencing were actually warning signs that something wasn’t right in the relationship I was in. I feel like a lot of poly discourse revolves around “combating” jealousy or processing it away to protect “the couple.” That is definitely the way I felt when I was in a mono-poly relationship. I felt that as the mono partner, there was something wrong with me when jealousy arose, that I wasn’t being loving enough or progressive enough. My partner definitely twisted that into being his narrative. Every time I’d bring up a point about him not meeting my needs, {he made me feel} that it was because I wasn’t poly enough or mature enough. {Eventually} I realized that “the poly” my partner was practicing was different from “the poly” I find to be ethical and that would make me happy to practice.
I feel like the community does a good job of holding people responsible for their own emotions and reactions, but doesn’t necessarily provide them with a good way to explore what those emotions really mean. There’s a lot of talk about processing and support, but there’s less about what happens when you learn to take care of yourself and realize it’s time to leave a relationship behind. Or the importance of taking responsibility for your part in a partner’s well-being.
Awesome stuff! Thank you, Wendy for being generous with your time and for sharing your thoughts and insights with us via the podcast interview! Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me know your thoughts on the need for solo polyamorists to be represented better in the community. I want many voices to be heard so that we can all learn from different perspectives. You rock, Wendy! Follow her adventures on FetLife @SparkleMadness.
To hear the podcast, go to the Podcast link, subscribe to the Loving Without Boundaries podcast, and check out Episode 21 with Wendy. Also, please help spread awareness of alternative lifestyles and create more tolerance for ethical non-monogamy in the world at large by Rating and Reviewing the Loving Without Boundaries podcast in iTunes. It only takes a few minutes. For instructions on how to do this, scroll down here.
If you would like to be interviewed either in written form or via audio on the podcast, please feel free to contact me and we will set something up. Thank you!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)
Kitty
GREAT !