Hello Sexy People!
Last month (July 31), we marked National Orgasm Day, a holiday first launched in 2007 as a celebration and an opportunity to raise awareness. If you missed it, not to worry, orgasms are always welcome regardless of the day or month. 🙂 But, just exactly what is all the fuss about?
Affectionately known as the “Big O”, an orgasm is essentially the build up and release of sexual tension. More specifically, as explained in Psychology Today, “During orgasm, the heart beats faster, blood pressure rises, breath becomes quicker and heavier, and involuntary muscle contractions occur in the genitals and often throughout the body.”
Yet, such a definition only tells a small part of the story. In fact, humans are capable of exquisite pleasure. There are 8,000 nerve endings in the glans of the clitoris and 4,000 nerve endings in the tip of the penis. And that doesn’t even address other erogenous zones such as the breasts, anus or cervix. Further, orgasms can be experienced by all genders and “transgender people are able to orgasm after gender reassignment surgery” (Medical News Today).
Interestingly, there is not much difference between male and female orgasm other than duration and recovery. Females average 31 to 51 seconds per orgasm, while males generally experience an average of 10-30 seconds (Healthline). But, orgasms can be prolonged or heightened through such practices as Tantra and Extended Massive Orgasm. Additionally, while the ability to experience pleasure is the domain of all genders, there is something known as “The Orgasm Gap”.
Overall, “studies have found that heterosexual women are the demographic having the least orgasms during sex”, and, in particular “a study found that 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate, compared to 6% during sex” (Forbes). Additionally, lesbian and bisexual women have significantly more orgasms than heterosexual women (ibid).
Importantly, this gap is attributed to a lack of knowledge about female anatomy as well as a need for better communication among partners, not medical issues. If there are medical concerns, whether they are physical or emotional ones, that is a separate issue, and there are solutions that can be pursued.
Moreover, it may be important for someone to investigate various healing modalities such as practicing de-armoring, working with a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma, or seeking a somatic sexual body worker to overcome sexual shame or sex-related trauma.
Regardless, whether partnered or solo, experiencing orgasm is a healthy practice and an important part of self care. There are numerous physiological and psychological benefits that occur as a result. The release of dopamine provides pleasure; oxytocin builds love and attraction; and endorphins put us in a state of relaxation and add to our good mood. Definitely don’t wait until July 31, 2023 to start enjoying your pleasure!
Looking for more resources to further your knowledge about orgasms? Here are several books I and my team can recommend:
“Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex” by Mary Roach
“Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski
“Extended Massive Orgasm” by Steve Bodansky
“Sex For One: The Joy of Self-Loving” by Betty Dodson
“Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm” by Nicole Daedone
“Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century” by Barbara Carrellas
“Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure” by Sheri Winston
Until next time, cherished community …
With love and gratitude,
Kitty Chambliss, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP
Founder, Loving Without Boundaries
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>>> Looking for more events around the globe? Check out Alan’s Polyamory List of Events to stay informed and connected.