Hey beautiful community,
I know that a lot of you are probably wondering what to make of this whole situation in the world today. It’s an unprecedented time. I know you may be cooped up with partners or a spouse, maybe some screaming kids, possibly by yourself, and it’s probably stressful. I know you may also be separated from other loved ones, and that adds challenges too.
During challenging times, often the cracks in the fabric of our lives can get exposed. There are always challenges (some more unusual than others). We can’t choose the challenge, but we can choose who we are going to show up to that challenge with. Will it be our superhero? Or as someone that feeds into the mass hysteria?
Whatever our cup is full of might start spilling out. If we are full of love, love may start overflowing from our cup onto others. If we are full of fear and anxiety, that may spill out and spread more of the same. Do you want to expand and shine your bright light of expansive love, or contract into darkness and fear? Fear can have you living in suffering, destroying your peace, joy, and sense of gratitude.
I want to remind everyone that we all have a choice right now. We can choose to show up during these times in Courage, Love while having Faith and Confidence in tomorrow. Know that this too shall pass. Or we can also choose to shrink back in fear, scarcity, and negativity.
A quote that I love from a book called “Letting Go” is:
“An attitude of love is the best survival strategy that there is.”
Also know that your immune system will work a whole lot better if you are living in gratitude and love.
Will some choose fear, if even for a moment or longer? Yes. There are moments it is appropriate to be scared. Yet we can turn that fear into intelligent action, and take sensible precautions.
Fear can quickly turn into loneliness and worse. Don’t let yourself or others spiral down unnecessarily. Now more than ever, we need each other.
This is a time for us to support one another. Comfort each other. Encourage each other. Be there for one another in any way that we can. Show compassion for each other.
We need to fuel the solution right now. Alongside sensible precautions, the solution is also LOVE. Courage. Compassion. Kindness. There is kindness right now if you look for it.
Here are some beautiful and amazing things I’m seeing in the wider consensual non-monogamy community:
- I’m seeing lovers who are separated now writing love notes to each other across the miles on social media, offering virtual hugs.
- I’m seeing metamours (partner’s partners) offering words of encouragement and support, battling loneliness.
- I’m seeing virtual dance parties, and cocktail / happy hours springing up across the globe with open doors for all.
- I’m seeing communities getting stronger and stronger every day.
- I’m seeing stories of inspiration, home and community like this one.
I believe we will all get a better outcome from this crisis if we come from an energy of love (not fear). You can stay inside with your partners and your kids in an energy of fear or uncertainty, or you can do it with love. Fear will turn it into a stressful nightmare. Love will turn it into an adventure.
This is a test like any other. A test to show us if we really mean what we say. About love. About family. About community. About integrity. About courage.
Here are some STEPS to getting through any Challenge, including this one:
1. See the challenge as it is. Not worse than it is.
2. Pick what identity we want to show up to the challenge with. Our best self or our lower self?
3. Pick the energy we want to face this challenge. Courage or Fear?
4. Ask better questions to direct our focus. If we ask better questions, we get a better result. Our focus creates state. Our state determines action.
- Some questions to try during this challenging time:
- What is my desired outcome here – what do I want?
- What is a gift in this situation?
- What is the story that we want to tell ourselves? (stories that inspire courage or fear?)
- How is this making me a better person?
- What is the opportunity for my expansion and growth?
- How will I wish I had behaved during this unprecedented time?
- When this passes (and it will pass), what can I carry forward that I would have never learned or experienced to make me and my loved ones stronger?
… Because if we don’t choose the right question, the media will do it for us. Our mind is a slave to what we tell it, and what we have it focus on. Choose wisely.
5. Take intelligent and inspired action while holding that higher emotional state.
6. Know your outcome! (eg. Stay safe and calm, while supporting others).
So my courageous humans, be there for each other, even if just to listen. Know that I am here for you. Reach out if you need me.
Stand firm. Be beautiful lights of courage. Be brave. Be strong. It’s not about us right now. It’s about the people around us who maybe need some encouragement, hope, support, a bright light of hope.
Play games. Do puzzles. Build forts. Make pancakes. Have the courage to reach out and call for help when you need it.
Practice radical gratitude, and radical self-love. Be unapologetic about who you are. Own it. The world needs people like you right now. People who are building modern extended chosen families. People who are brave every day.
I am grateful for each and every one of you. You are all courageous and beautiful souls that I am proud to stand alongside.
I love you amazing humans, and feel so much empathy for what each of you are experiencing. I know that this community we built together is necessary and good and wonderful. You are loved. You are supported. We are in this together, and we will come through this together.
— Kitty Chambliss
Dear Kitty, I was feeling mopey this morning. In addition to the “normal” stressors of politics and climate crisis now we have the pandemic. If that weren’t enough, I injured my hand in a blinding flash of stupidity last Saturday. So, I am unable to keep myself busy. Keeping myself busy, I’ve discovered, is one way I buffer myself from external stress.
I re-read Steps To Getting Through ANY Challenge, Including This One… this morning. Thank you for writing this. It is a very timely reminder that I DO have choices in how I view my challenges and how I approach them.
Thank you for everything that you do!
Awww Lightfoot, you are such a sweetheart. Thank you so much for this delightful and heartfelt note. You inspire me with your resilience, your courage, and your desire for consistent personal growth. I <3 you!
Miss you, Superhero! You are AWESOME! And you totally got this! Stay healthy, my friend!