Cheers Sexy People!
Hello, Loving Without Boundaries gang! I’m so excited to share my latest podcast interview with the incredible, the amazing, the geeky researcher of consent: Zach Budd. I had the absolute honor of being introduced to Zach Budd by Ruby Johnson, creator of PolyDallas Millennium. We got to know each other cyberly and delightfully prior to meeting in person at Beyond The Love 2018. When I think of the word “passion”, I now think of Zach Budd… Why? Because of his undying PASSION for the topic of Consent. Wow is this guy DRIVEN by helping educate and create empathy around this very important topic. Right after our interview, he gave a presentation on “Male Victims of Intimate Partner Violence” to help remind us all that women are not the only victims of assault and consent being stripped away as humans — men also can be and ARE harmed by consent issues and harassment. All genders deal with being unwitting victims of sexual harassment, violence, consent violation, and coercion. What a powerful thing to remember during this murky political climate we all find ourselves in. Remembering our shared humanity can help save us all. I believe that lack of empathy is the root of all evil. Let’s be inclusive, folks of our shared pain on this path. Thank you so much, Zach for being “one of the good guys”, and a Consent Superhero for all of us! You are incredibly inspiring, a stupendous presenter, and a beautiful friend. Thank you for being lovable (and huggable with consent) YOU!
NOTE: Please kindly excuse the buzzing noise that intermittently shows up in this episode. Zach and I could not figure out where it was coming from, and my sound engineer was not able to delete it. The interview is too good not to share despite this “static.” Thank you kindly for your understanding.
Here is Zach Budd’s bio:
Zach is a self-proclaimed nerd, sex geek and consent junkie. Zach is also a proud member of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. He has been actively polyamorous for ten years. He has served on polyamory discussion panels, conducted workshops, and recorded podcast episodes on the subjects of polyamory, consent, relationships and kink. Current projects include being a writer and co-editor of The Sex Positive Blog on Medium.com and creating and curating a polyamory, kink, and sex positive library and reading list. Zach became interested in consent as a topic more than five years ago as a personal research project. He is currently working towards a Master’s of Social Work degree at the University of Houston to be of even more benefit to his community. He lives, works, laughs, and loves in Houston, Texas where he enjoys listening to and playing music, converting from a fat boy to a runner, all things Star Trek, reading, gaming, hockey, cooking and being owned and loved by rescue dogs including a spoiled rotten boxer named Jadzia.
Some topics we discuss in this juicy, fired-up, and heart-wrenching interview:
— How Zach started researching and obsessively geeking out on consent as a reaction to his outrage at comments that he heard from his fellow persons, and how he is a geek in all things.
— His recent enjoyment of studying intersectionality, and how he enjoyed that I touched on that topic in my keynote at Beyond The Love.
— His belief that consent is not an obstacle, how it is part of every single human interaction, how when used properly, it is even SEXY!
— HIs belief that every single action we engage in needs to be consensual, even down to hugging each other. This includes teaching children consent (in regards to not forcing children to hug people if they don’t want to, and not teaching children to feel shame if they do not desire to hug or kiss a particular adult). So true!
— The ways in which we all can be on a spectrum of introversion and extroversion, and how everyone is on their own journey. We also touch on what Zach does when he hits the introvert wall, and why it’s important for others not to take that personally. We all need to know what we can and can’t handle and to be able to communicate that.
— The intersectionality of polyamory, kink, and consent. Polyamory requires us to all communicate extensively and in the most effective ways possible. With polyamory (versus monogamy) comes more relationships, thus more breakups, more communication, and more evolution of ourselves and our extended families.
— We touch on male sexual harassment as it violates consent, and how Zach took decisive action after he found himself to be profoundly pissed off about it! Anger can move us to positive action. Yes! The enlightening Sexual Freedom Summit workshop that I mention was given by Sebastian Sprague in 2016 that I wrote about here.
— I vulnerably share about my own personal experience with sexual assault and how my Italian heritage saved me from being raped on two occasions. I have never shared this on air before. Tune in to listen!
— Zach mentions a band called Lamb of God (based out of Richmond, VA). The song he mentions is called “Broken Hands” and it is from their album entitled “Wrath” (2009). The YouTube video with lyrics can be found here.
— Zach very generously would like to share his Polyamory Reading List. He curates and updates this list often. Enjoy! So honored to have made the list! Whoot! 🙂
Thank you Zach, for being so awesomely generous with your time; for your tireless work around consent; and for sharing your wisdom and insights with us via the podcast interview! It was enlightening, thought-provoking, and so fun! Follow Zach’s work at consentwarrior.com and also on Twitter @black_sexgeek.
To hear the podcast, go to the Podcast link here and subscribe to the Loving Without Boundaries podcast, and check out Episode 99 with Zach. Also, please help spread awareness of alternative lifestyles and create more tolerance for consensual non-monogamy in the world at large by Rating and Reviewing the Loving Without Boundaries podcast in iTunes. It only takes a few minutes.
CONTEST/GIVEAWAY 100th Episode OFFER: If you become a patron of the podcast RIGHT NOW, your name will be put in a drawing to win best-selling books signed by polyamory-friendly authors such as Tivka Wolf, Franklin Veaux, Kevin Patterson as well as yours truly. Learn more here at this link!
If you would like to be interviewed either in written form or via audio on the podcast, please feel free to contact me and we will set something up. Thank you!
EXCLUSIVE CONTENT OFFER – We continue to have some exciting goings on here at Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). We now have exclusive content for you via the LWB podcast and my Patreon page for those who choose to become a patron. Please visit the link to check out how you can come join the party over at Patreon! Want to hear more from our amazing interviewees? You got it! Want to dig deeper into the community and your fellow poly folk? Right on, let’s do it! Want free relationship coaching? It’s all there! Come join us, and enjoy exclusive content made just for you, our patrons of this work!
NOTE: Soon I will be offering a monthly group “hangout” and coaching calls for all of our podcast patrons at any level. If you are supporting the podcast, I am supporting you on your journey. Come join us and meet like-minded folks on the same journey you are!
UPCOMING POLYAMOROUS-FRIENDLY EVENTS
1) Free LWB Facebook Group for Healthy, Sex Positive, Open Relationships — Ready to explore healthy, deeply connected (and virtually jealousy-free) open relationships? It’s all possible – especially when surrounded by a community of people already doing it. Many in newly open relationships experience roller coaster emotions of jealousy, insecurity, and feel alone on their journey. That’s why I created this free Facebook group where people are coming together to share actionable tips for succeeding in multiple loving relationships, explore deeper love, and find mutual understanding and support. There’s an abundance of rock star information posted in the group daily by our amazing members. We create a safe place to engage that’s fun and thrilling! Click here and request to join our free group!
2) Relationships Without Drama Day-Long Workshop, Sunday, February 3rd, 2019, 10am – 5:30pm — Why do relationships that begin with such high hopes often lead to ongoing stress and disappointment? What does it take to create a relationship that is supportive and appreciative for both partners? Find out at the Relationships Without Drama Day-long workshop on Sunday, Feb. 3rd in DC with Michael Rios Indigo Dawn. For more info, visit facebook.com/events/185134282420167/ or cfnc.us/relationships/day-long. Register by Jan. 15th to get the Early Bird price: eventbrite.com/e/relationships-without-drama-day-long-tickets-53664364559
3) Southwest Love Fest (SWLF), Tucson, Arizona, March 29–31, 2019 — “The Southwest Love Fest is a weekend conference on consensual non-monogamy held annually in Tucson, AZ with opportunities to learn, share and connect with other like-minded people. We had a hugely successful 1st year in 2018 and plan to make it even better for 2019! Taking what we learned this past year, 2019 is set to be even more radical, thought-provoking, and transformational. SWLF is an open space to find community and learn from others’ diverse relationship experiences.” NOTE: I will be there presenting my “Jealousy Survival Guide” workshop at SWLF 2019! Come join us at this fun polyamorous conference! AND the presenter mentioned above, Zach Budd will be there as well!
4) Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit (SFS), Alexandria, Virginia, August 15–18, 2019 —The Sexual Freedom Summit features human rights activists, sexuality educators and researchers, professionals from the legal and medical fields, authors, sexual freedom movement leaders and organizational partners all working toward the time when sexual freedom is fully recognized as a fundamental human right. This Summit is for EVERYONE interested in learning about the issues in the realm of sexual freedom, advancing their current knowledge and in gaining the tools to actually create the change we need to accomplish. I already have my ticket! I hope to see you there!
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See you on the flip side, lovely community! Keep being brave, compassionately vulnerable, and uniquely and authentically you!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)
Kitty
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