Cheers Sexy People!
I have missed writing you all personally. Yet I have been a very busy girl indeed and loving it (well most of it – not everyday is perfect, eh?). I want to thank you for your patience and understanding recently as I have been obsessively working and preparing the two workshops that I am presenting for this year’s Beyond The Love conference November 11-13 in Columbus, Ohio. Word has it that it has officially sold out! I am so excited to meet the attendees who have their golden ticket! If you have never been there before, you are in for a treat! And I am honored and delighted to be one of the presenters at this fine event, sharing that privilege with many other excellent presenters including some awesome friends that I have shared the mic with on my podcast (Ferrett Steinmetz and Billy Holder of the Relationship Equality Foundation).
I’d like to give you an update on all things Loving Without Boundaries as well as Kitty Chambliss’ wacky but awesome life:
- My boyfriend has officially moved in as of August 31st – so we’ve harmoniously been living as a “V” Triad for over six weeks now. As an overall statement, it has been magically delicious and awesome. The way my husband and my beloved get along brings such a warm smile to my face and heart that sometimes I am overcome with joy and am speechless. When I see how they interact, it reinforces in me that living and loving polyamorously is so right and natural for some of us! It is simply who we are, and that’s that. No “praying the poly away” for us. My beau has had some challenging days that go along with moving (the actual stressful moving day, the day he could not find anything and started throwing things in a fit of rage in his space, etc). But that goes with any stressful move – let alone one that is difficult to explain to most people. I applaud his courage and his show of love for me and confidence in our relationship that in his late 40s, he decided to give up his DC apartment, give away most of his furniture and belongings, and take a chance on us, and our unusual family. That takes guts. Baby, I am proud of you and humbled beyond words. Thanks for going the distance with me, and weathering the storms of merging families in a monogamous world as we go.
- Anniversaries, anniversaries, anniversaries! My beloved and I will be together at Beyond the Love this fall after just having celebrated our one-year anniversary! We had our first date the Monday before the last BTL last year. So cool! Feel free to come say hi, and wish us well on this crazy journey. My husband and I just celebrated ten years of blissful married life this past week as well. Ten years, man!!! (Gross Point Blank reference). I can’t believe a decade has gone by since we wrote our own vows (leaving out the “and forsake all others” language), said “I do” and embarked on this remarkable journey together. We truly rung it in in style! Thirteen+ of us descended on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, weathered a hurricane to start the week off, enjoyed waking up to each other’s loving, cheerful and wonderful company, and enjoyed one of the best parties I have had the pleasure of attending. The number of musical performers out-numbered the guests while the large oceanfront great room was filled with joyous music, love, talent and crazy positive energy! I have never experienced anything like it! When the a cappella band started performing Seasons Of Love, I was overcome with tears of joy that I could not (and did not want to) hold back as my body shook. It was overwhelmingly awesome. The only struggle I had during the glorious week was missing my beloved who chose to spend that weekend with his wife and son down in Florida instead. I did my best to accept this decision and try not to take it personally. But I could not help but ponder how the lack of acceptance of polyamory in our culture may have factored into this decision. And if he was there, how would I have “acted”? Maybe it was for the best. Either way, I had a week and an evening that I will never forget, and the peeps that were there to enjoy it side by side with me have a very special place in my heart. Showing up in life is half of the battle of success, connection, and making dreams come true. Thank you, dear ones.
- I realized mid-week that after inviting nearly one hundred people to attend my husband and my ten-year anniversary, the ones who showed up were all in some ways “misfits”. I kid you not. Each couple or family had something about them that did not put them in the monogamous, heterosexual, we-had-kids-naturally-and-easily category. I was a bit dumbfounded when I realized this. Somehow through life, I have ended up back on the “outside”, the fringes, left of center – both due to my polyamory and infertility status. And the people who ended up traveling to celebrate our marriage were all in some way “different” as well. I felt loved and accepted by these wonderful people. Which is why the few of them who did not know about our polyamorous status, my husband and I discussed and plotted how to “come out” to them. “Coming Out” as poly can be a frightening adventure, but one worth doing – especially when I need to practice what I preach as I prepare to teach a Poly Closet workshop in mere weeks. So with one couple, I “laid the groundwork” as it were by mentioning how another couple in attendance were in a style of open relationship. Based on their reaction (mild shock), I decided that day was not the day to tell this new friend. The other family that we endeavored to tell though are staying with us for over two weeks, and traveled across the Atlantic to be here. Though we don’t see them often (two times in ten years), we felt if they are staying in our V Triad home, and we want to be close to them emotionally, we had to tell them. My husband took it upon himself to tell these close friends of his while I went to pick up my beloved from the airport. That felt right. And I am happy to say that they took it very well saying – whatever makes you happy, that’s cool, and then asked more questions about my beloved in an effort to get to know him better. I feel such relief as more and more of our close friends know, understand and accept our status. I have several more days with these folks to field any questions that come up. And I highly value their loving and gracious acceptance, especially as I remember that some friends (who did not even RSVP to our anniversary party) have practically dis-owned us as friends at this point (yet I do not regret coming out to them – discovering who your “true friends” are is a worthwhile endeavor).
- Lastly, here’s a reminder that I am offering relationship coaching with a speciality on unconventional relationships at a majorly discounted rate right now. I only have a limited number of slots to fill in my schedule in this regard so that I can devote a proper amount of time to those who choose to work with me. I did fill the third slot that I have available, but at a limited time allotment. So I have room for just one more. Feel free to sign up for a complementary 20-minute session with me at a time of your choosing based on my scheduler link here. To learn more, feel free to check out my coaching page on this website. I look forward to speaking to some of you and learning more about where you are on your journey, and discussing ways that we can create more love in your life in whatever way works for you.
At this point, I will leave you with: THANK YOU! Thanks for being here, thanks for being brave in your part of the world, and thanks for reading this far. You are awesome, and I am stoked to have your eyeballs here while I share words, ideas, anecdotes, and what-I-learned-while-living-polyamorously with you. Have a kickass day, week and year! Until later…
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)
Whoa!! Busy with wonderful things!! The coming out…the part that’s interesting is that you end up doing it over, and over and over…Jack (my hubs) has been seeing someone new – who is also moderately well known in our area. So navigating that is new territory – and of course, he’s thinking of her and her feelings. She owns a restaurant and we were out the other night at her place with Jack, Harry (my BF) my boyfriend’s BF and HIS date. Everyone was getting to know each other, small talk and chit chat when date points to Jack and me and asks, “So – how do you two know each other”. Well – when confronted with a question, my first response for good or ill, is honesty. So I replied, “We’re married to each other”. Moment of silence. Then she said, “Well, THAT’s cool” and that was the end of that! So – 4 years on and it doesn’t end – and that’s ok. Every time it happens is a time to show people we are just ordinary – and pretty boring – humans at that. Ozzy, Harriet and Fred as the BF likes to describe it!
Ha! Thanks as always for commenting and for your support. You always rock so hard. Thanks for sharing that story. I love that… “so how do you know each other?” Um, yeah we are married… Those moments of silence take your breath away, don’t they? You bite your lip, try to stay quiet, and hope for the best (without knowing what’s truly about to happen – like jumping in a cold pool every single time!). It really is a coming out process over and over. I mean life is long, and we hope to be constantly making new friends as we go. Thus another big conversation. And on and on it goes.
Last night as we discussed the coming out yesterday, my husband mentioned dreamily about… himself, me and boyfriend living happily ever after. Awwwww! If I was in an emotional mood, I would have cried. Instead I just smiled to myself softly, and feel asleep to happy dreamland, pinching myself that my life is so good. It took hard work to get here, but yay I’m here!
Indeed it is both ordinary as well as extraordinary! Love it! Have a great day, Clarathegreat. xoxo