New Relationship Energy and 10 Ideas for Living a Hotter Life

Cheers Sexy People!

Oh my goodness time has been flying over here. Part of the reason that is the case for me is I am deep in the throes of New Relationship Energy with my new boyfriend I am so very happy to say! Love and passion are in the air, and I am just tickled pink! It has been awhile since I have enjoyed this blissful, euphoric feeling, the sappiness of it all, missing him and thinking about him virtually ALL THE TIME! Honestly, it verges on the completely ridiculous. I’m amazed that I have been able to get anything done (Thank you, Evernote for keeping me on track! Love this app! It’s like a virtual cattle prod!)

New Relationship Energy can be all consuming sometimes, so deliciously sweet, and super annoying to those who have to watch it all transpire. I would like to give a formal huge-ass THANK YOU to my awesome husband for being so patient with me / us, giving us space for this blossoming, fantastic relationship to build its foundation, and for his general awesomeness and understanding. JJ Chambliss, you are super freaking wonderful! Thank you! And yes, your time will come too when a special sweetie comes into your life. I will be ready and willing to give you the space you need and work hard at practicing compersion. Mark my words!

I also am very blessed that my husband and boyfriend get along swimmingly. They are respectful to each other, caring, compassionate, and even – get this – put away the Christmas decorations together while I was at my pole fitness class last week! How awesome is THAT?! Teamwork in a poly household! Also it turns out my new love is really handy with a toolbelt = BONUS (and now I’m picturing him naked wearing a toolbelt! Mmmm! See, super annoying and consuming, that pesky NRE). It is good to find the things in our lives that are worthy of celebrating and damn well celebrate them! Today, I am celebrating how loving, beautiful, blissful and full of compassion and caring my life and connections are RIGHT NOW – and not only with these two beautiful specimens. I also want to thank this supportive community – many of you urged me on to continue with OkCupid despite the wonky start, and that’s where I ultimately met my new love. I am forever grateful. Standing ovation to you and OkCupid! You rock!

If any of you are unfamiliar with the term (or even if you are), I thought it would be helpful to share the Wikipedia definition of New Relationship Energy:

New relationship energy (often abbreviated as NRE) is a state of mind experienced at the beginning of most significant sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual receptivity and excitement. It begins with the earliest attractions, grows into full force when mutuality is established, and slowly fades over months to years. It carries an implication of contrast with the feelings involved with “old” or an ongoing relationship.

While the dynamics described by NRE are common to almost all relationships, the term is particularly prevalent in the polyamorous community, in large part because polyamorous people often experience new relationship energy alongside ongoing but older relationships which they also wish to maintain. Adjusting to and compensating for the contrast in effect and excitement between the new and old relationships is considered an important factor in successfully balancing those relationships. The term originated in the writings of Zhahai Stewart in the 1980s. The use of the formal term to describe the process in a positive way can help old partners deal with the feelings of jealousy towards the new partner.

New relationship energy is generally considered desirable, perhaps nearly indispensable in forming deep emotional bonds, but it can also temporarily distort perceptions and judgments and this must be taken into account. These distortions of perception do not imply that the attraction is unreal or will not last (indeed most lasting romantic bonds do begin with NRE), only that the magnitude of these positive feelings is greater than it is likely to be later, and some potential interpersonal problems may seem smaller than they will later become. Caution rather than avoidance or suppression is usually suggested in dealing with NRE.

It has also been an interesting journey welcoming my new love not only into my heart, mind and soul, but also into my life, my social circles, and everyday activities. All of those feelings of “coming out” start to rush back:

“How do I introduce him? As my boyfriend? My friend? My partner?” 

“What will they think of him and this new union, and will he be comfortable around my friends?”

“To honor his presence in my life, will I have to “come out” to more people?”

To that last question, the answer apparently is “yes”, I will have to “come out” to more people as a result of this new relationship. Most of my friends and family already know of my polyamorous nature. But some newer friends and business associates do not. Last weekend, my beau and I were at a personal and business development meetup where I am now a co-host. I wasn’t sure if this was the right environment or the right day even to “come out” as both polyamorous and “oh, by the way this is my boyfriend speaking of that.” I mean… I didn’t want to take over the meeting via “shock-value” if this news would be shocking to some of the attendees. That’s not why we were there! So I opted to move slowly into it by mentioning this blog and larger mission of Loving Without Boundaries. I figured they could put two and two together at their own pace about if I was in fact polyamorous or not and who my escort was – at their own pace. My new love went with me to the meetup partly out of curiosity, and partly to support me and dig into my life and what I’m passionate about. As it came his turn to speak, someone innocently asked “So how do you know {Kitty}?” Oops we didn’t quite plan ahead of time how to answer this question, so my beau side-stepped the question which I thought was cute, funny and thoughtful. I offered up that we met three months ago (by the way, tomorrow is our three month anniversary of meeting!!!!! See… super annoying that NRE. Haha!).

The next day, I decided to be completely transparent, authentic and honest, and let the leader of the meeting know very directly that my husband and I are polyamorous, and that lovely gentleman who accompanied me to the meeting is in fact my boyfriend. She was very eloquent, accepting and lovely at the news, and like many others, told me she had already figured that out. Let’s hear it for smart people! She appreciated my openness though. Another successful “coming out” story. Whoot!

To continue this post of beautiful love, rocking our lives, and living passionately and sensually, I found this great list of how to live a “hotter” life. I wish that for all of you in 2016. Let’s rock this!

Here are 10 Amazing Ideas for Living a Hotter Life:

1. Always start with willingness.
2. When you feel stuck; love yourself more.
3. Show your scars and let people see you cry; it will inspire others.
4. Work harder.
5. Pleasure is a source of healing, power and creativity.
6. Speak your desire, your wants, your needs with all your heart and soul.
7. Create the space for what you really want to step in.
8. Remember to say an expanded “thank you”.
9. Unhappiness is a wake up call. Listen.
10. Grant yourself permission to love.

How about you? What are you passionate about right now? What are you grateful for? Would you like to tell us about your experiences with NRE? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Looking for more information on jealousy? Check out this post on “How To Not Be A Jealous Girlfriend.”

Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)

Kitty

If you would like to have an authentic, clarifying conversation with me so we can discuss ways to help you create loving, happy, secure, and exciting open relationships, feel free to learn more about my coaching services here. Then the button at the bottom of that page will offer you the opportunity to book a FREE Breakthrough Session with me – taking you directly into my calendar. I look forward to speaking with you!