Cheers Sexy People!
This past weekend, I attended what for me was a transformational event. I attended my first Landmark Forum. I don’t know how many of our awesome peeps in our community have checked this “dive into the deep end of the pool” seminar out (and I’d love to hear from you to get your thoughts), but personally, I got alot out of it. It’s actually quite difficult to describe, but suffice it to say that if you feel that there are obstacles in your way to achieve all that you want to achieve in life, this seminar helps clear the way for you to find first peace (about your past) and then success (for your future). Truly an amazing experience. I also met alot of wonderful people there, and if it came up in conversation or I wanted to get really authentic (that’s a big word and concept at the Landmark Forum, which is right up my alley!), I was forthcoming that I am polyamorous, and was very honest about what my situation is there relationship-wise. As usual, no one cared or judged me (it’s usually our fear that people will judge us that is more overwhelming and intimidating than the actual truth of the matter).
On the last evening of the forum, the participants are invited to bring guests to get a quick sample of some of the concepts that they are teaching. I successfully brought both my husband and my boyfriend, and introduced them as such to my new friends. It felt very liberating and I am getting quite used to doing that. BEFORE the seminar portion of the night, I took my boyfriend out to dinner, both to celebrate an achievement that I recently received professionally, but also to have another heart to heart with him. Some of the powerful things that really impacted me over the weekend that really helped me had to do with the concept of forgiveness, how to live a fulfilling life with integrity, and being really authentic (versus inauthentic) in our dealings with people in our lives.
Here’s some nuggets of wisdom that I took from the course:
Not forgiving someone is like you taking the poison hoping THEY will DIE.
Expectations kill life. So be powerfully connected to REALITY and love life. Love what you get. Because you GOT it. Resistance (to what is) is Suffering. So stop resisting reality and what is.
Integrity: A state or condition of being whole, complete, unbroken, unimpaired, sound, perfect condition. Integrity is the necessary condition for workability.
I really let all of those words and concepts soak into my brain, and I really “got it.” I saw not only how much my boyfriend has been doing to earn my forgiveness over the past two months, but also how me NOT forgiving him was actually hurting both of us, especially me. It was very clear to me that his heart was in the right place, that he deeply loved me, and that he was sorry for his previous actions that were done outside of his integrity. And for my own peace of mind, and desire for my own life to ROCK and be happy and pleasurable, it was time to forgive him, while still honoring my own wishes and integrity. Here is part of what I said to him that helped set me free, give me more peace of mind, and helped us both get beyond the negativity of the past, and focus more on the beauty of the future:
“I want you to know that my life is better because you are in it. Though I don’t condone your past behavior and how it then affected me, I forgive you for being human and making human mistakes in regards to your integrity. I believe that you can be all that you want to be and more. I know it in my heart. I thank you for being in my life and helping me be who I am sitting here before you today. I love you being in my life, and I love you from the bottom of my heart to the top of my purple head.”
I think we both felt such relief after this moment. I know I did. And I’m ready to tackle anything that comes our way to carve out a better future. We are still talking very openly, learning to communicate better, and working on having an awesome relationship one day at a time. And I am loving every minute of it.
From my last post, an insightful reader, E.H., had some great thoughts to add to the discussion within a polyamorous Facebook forum. They were so right on the money, I wanted to share them with you here:
I think there are a range of reasons why people choose to continue or not continue a relationship after trust has been broken (and sometimes, ‘surviving’ for an individual does mean moving on without looking back, even if it’s not the survival of the relationship). It’s probably influenced heavily by things like:
– How long ago was it?
– Why did they do it?
– Is it likely they will do it again?
– How do they feel about having done it?
– How do you feel about them having done it?
– What was your relationship like at the time it was happening?
– How long have you been together?
– How much do you have invested in your relationship (emotional or otherwise)?
– Are there children, pets, mortgages you need to consider?
– What else was happening in your lives at the time?
– Do you know/are you close friends with the other party involved in the cheating?
And lots more questions that I’m probably not thinking of right now. The one thing to say is that whether you choose to stay in the relationship or leave, both are entirely legitimate, viable responses; and no one can criticize anyone else’s choices in that matter. Hopefully whether you stayed or left, you would come to a less painful place when thinking of that situation in the future, and maybe, hopefully, the cheater learned something too.
For myself, personally, I err on the side of forgiveness and understanding and tolerance in all difficult situations, unless it’s clear that they deliberately did something to hurt me (as opposed to the hurt being an unintentional or thoughtless side effect of their actions). In which case, they’re out – I don’t need people in my life who go out of their way to hurt me.
How about you? What are your thoughts on any of this? Have you taken The Landmark Forum and what did you think? Do you like any of the concepts that are laid out in this post? What rocks your world in terms of forgiveness, love and communication that you would “like to share with the class.” It’s so great to learn from each other and share nuggets of wisdom. Thanks in advance for sharing!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)