Review of the New Book “The Husband Swap”

Cheers Sexy People!

I just got back from a raucously fun weekend in Las Vegas with some good friends, both polyamorous and monogamous incidentally. It was Rockabilly Weekend at the Orleans Casino for the 18th Viva Las Vegas! What a blast! If any of my readers enjoy that type of music, I will tell you that my favorite band was Hillbilly Casino, an intense psycho-billy band. They were shot out of a cannon as soon as they took the stage! What crazy fun! I wish I had some interesting poly stories to tell you, but neither my husband nor boyfriend went with me (and I wasn’t there to find another lover). 🙂  I will telll you briefly that I thought it was hilarious that a gentleman that I met in the elevator said to me incredulously: “Your husband lets you go to Vegas by yourself???” Hahahaha! He lets me do ALOT more than that! If you only knew, mister! And since when did I need permission to travel solo anyway!? It is the year 2015 afterall, not Mad Men era.

To whittle away the time on the flights over and back to Vegas, I decided to take that time to read the new book that my colleague and friend, Louisa Leontiades wrote, The Husband Swap. And I am ever so glad that I did. I felt like I found a very close, dear comrade within the pages of that book – a friend who has shared some of my own heartache, pain as well as joy in choosing to live a polyamorous life, and then diving in courageously and unapologetically to see what happens next.

Here’s a brief write-up of the memoir to give you an overview:

Louisa and Gilles love each other. There’s a problem in paradise, though: their marriage is going nowhere. Together, they decide to explore polyamory, the idea that it’s possible to have more than one lover–and more than one love. They fall in love with another couple and, embarking on a life-changing course, try to make it work as a quad. Their journey liberates them from the constraints of their unhappy marriage and propels them into a world where they embrace a new way of loving. But this liberation comes with a price. They are challenged in ways they didn’t expect, and the experiment takes them to a place they didn’t anticipate. They must learn to accept a new understanding of relationships, each other and themselves.

I found her book to be very well-written, exciting, hilarious at times, brutally honest and informative as well. Being a writer myself, I really enjoy some good storytelling. Louisa has lived quite a brave life, going against the norm with no guidebook, the way many of us polyamorous folks have. To read about both her joy, her pain, her sometimes awkward discoveries, the depths of her emotion, all while she’s partying it up in Paris as an executive by day, it was riveting.

I saw alot of myself in her story, and felt so fortunate to know that there is someone else out there so very much like me, albeit “across the pond”. The questioning of oneself, feeling second best at times, having difficulty performing at work during emotional roller coasters, dealing with situations that feel so very unfair. You get to see how she sometimes un-eloquently handles certain situations – but in the moment and with no expertise for how to properly move forward, it’s the only maneuver she knows how to do. The honesty of her own shortcomings is refreshing and endearing. When I am honest with myself, there are so many moments particularly in my poly life that I am not proud of. But experience is what we get for having had it, eh?

There’s also an element in the book of what a kick in the pants life can be. We like to think sometimes that we are in control of our destiny – that we are steering our own ship. But life plays funny tricks on us sometimes. And in polyamory especially, once you start adding other people in the mix, all holy hell can break loose! And it’s always good to remember that we cannot control other people, only ourselves and our own reactions to events and personalities. I mentioned in an earlier post this year that I have chosen a word to focus my efforts on. And this year, my word is “Grace.” That chosen word is no accident. It is partly due to how UN-gracefully I have handled scary, “threatening” moments in the past. I am trying to learn to take a deep breath, collect myself, regain my composure, and then treat others – including myself – with respect. But try as I might, it ain’t always easy. And Louisa does a fine job of sharing some of the messy moments in her polyamorous journey, and I thank her for her brutal honesty, her awesome insights and her delightfully inspiring telling of her story. You go, girl! I’m so impressed and happy for you!

I invite you to check it out for yourself! Please feel free to let me know what you think of the book, or share your own insights here about your own journey. We all have a story to tell! What’s your story?

Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)

Kitty