Cheers Sexy People!
Well, THAT was an adventure! I am writing you the day after being a guest speaker on my very first Internet radio show. Wow! Such a wonderful experience! I really enjoyed having the opportunity to be heard, share my story, offer a different point of view and be a contributor on a panel. It was very enlightening to say the least.
The radio show is broadcast out of Texas and it is a Christian program. The topic: Monogamy & Polyamory, with both sides being represented on the panel, with yours truly as one of the practicing polyamorists. I had no idea what I was going to walk in to. Was I going to get fed to the lions? I inquired with the moderator ahead of time to try to find out if this was a sneak attack of some sort. She assured me that the conversation would be as respectful as possible, and if a caller phoned in and was disrespectful, they would be disconnected. OK, that was good enough for me to proceed (actually, I probably would have proceeded anyway as the Philadelphia fighter in me loves a good throw down! Haha!)
We were each given a list of questions that would most likely be asked (um, but I somehow missed the email, and thus only had 10 minutes before Go Live to jot some notes down to be as prepared as possible. So I partly was answering on the fly). Here are the questions:
Which lifestyle do you prefer; monogamous or polyamorous and why?
In your opinion, what are the benefits of a monogamous relationship?
In your opinion, what are the benefits of a polyamorous relationship?
In your opinion, what are the negative aspects of monogamy?
In your opinion, what are the negative aspects of polyamory?
In your opinion, how has monogamy or polyamory benefitted or been the detriment to relationships…marriages in particular.
The different panelists took turns answering each question asked, and we were allowed two minutes to respond, or we would be politely asked to stop speaking and give someone else a turn. But we didn’t each get to answer every single question. So that was a bit of a crap shoot. But no worries. Such is life in the fast lane!
Within a short period of time during the show, some opinions and points of view were brought up from the monogamist / Christian side of the fence, where they were very directly negating points of view that I had shared. Sometimes, it was almost a direct attack, with an air of “My way is right. Your way is wrong. End of story.”
Here’s an example (not verbatim, these are paraphrased):
“I started out practicing monogamy. But later found that it just didn’t suit me. When I met my husband (to be), we eventually learned of the concept of polyamory / ethical non-monogamy. So when we got married, we wrote our own vows to coincide with how we wanted our marriage and relationship to work for us.”
“We can’t all ‘do whatever we want, and call it a marriage.’
God dictates a marriage, not us”
Hmmm, that’s interesting, isn’t it? By law, I am married just as much as anyone else. I happen to believe in God / a higher power, but that’s my business, isn’t it? And your faith and marriage is YOUR business, right? And with my faith, my marriage works just fine, I CAN do whatever I want (because it’s MY marriage), and it’s all ETHICAL and MORAL. I just happen to be following my own rules (and vows that I took, as marriage is something we give to EACH OTHER – that nugget is even from my Catholic school days). I’m just not following the rules that someone else prescribes – whether it’s society, or words that are in the Bible that a mere mortal is trying to interpret.
By the way, didn’t we found this country on religious freedom???
Here’s another doosie:
“It’s all about sex and lust with you polyamorists. No love.
All I’m hearing about is sex from this conversation.”
“You CAN’T enjoy sex outside of a marriage.”
“There’s no emotional bonds (in polyamory).”
At this point, I had not even uttered the word “sex” in any way, shape or form. So I thought it was very interesting and perhaps telling that I was being told that all we polyamorists were talking about was sex and NO LOVE. I had already been introduced as the author of this blog LOVING Without Boundaries, and had given a definition of the word, which has the word “love” in it (the word “amore”). I explained that I have a very healthy marriage indeed. And I have deep emotional bonds with both my husband and my boyfriend.
Also, I DO enjoy wonderful sex outside of marriage, and that rocks too. All consensually, honestly and openly. I am sex positive, and dislike “slut-shaming” and doling out guilt about having great sex. But I decided purposely not to bring up the word “sex” from my side of fence. I feared it would not help the cause.
“Polyamorists come from broken homes. This is all a breakdown of the family structure. It’s immoral.”
Interesting assumption. But totally incorrect. My parents were married in a Catholic church since 1961 and remained so, until their passing. I miss them every day. So that’s 46 years of monogamous marriage. My husband’s parents are both still alive and have been married for many decades as well. Both of our homes were happy homes, and we had wonderful, fulfilling childhoods. They were childhoods coupled with great education where we learned how to make our own decisions, live good lives, and do our best to be good citizens in the world, helping our fellow man and trying not to hurt anyone in our respective pursuits of life, liberty and happiness. 🙂 By practicing ethical non-monogamy as consenting adults with other consenting adults whom we love, adore and cherish, we are not hurting anyone. As a matter of fact, we are building supportive, extended, loving families. Couldn’t the world at large use more happy, productive families supporting our communities, charities we choose and our fellow man?
And my favorite:
“Polyamorists are all narcissists, who are all out for themselves.”
OK, that one is just kind of funny to me. I actually chuckled and had to stifle being heard on the air, as that would have been bad form on my part. Polyamory by definition is about SHARING and COOPERATION and UNDERSTANDING of where each person is coming from and what their needs are. As my friend said, “In order to be successful (at polyamory), you have to become the antithesis of a narcissist, by being MORE loving, MORE compassionate, MORE giving” always thinking about the other people, partners and loved ones.
Without further ado, here’s the link to the full broadcast if you would like to listen to it in its entirety:
In the end, I was THRILLED to have the opportunity to attempt to dispel some myths, misunderstandings, misconceptions and untruths that I was fortunate enough to learn were out there firsthand. It is always such a blessing to hear what other people think and feel from their own experience and teachings, and do our best to try to learn from each other. Overall, I thought everyone on the call was respectful, and was kind enough to give the floor to one another and be heard. I can’t wait to do it again! If you know of anyone looking for a polyamorist guest speaker in the future, I’m your girl. Pass it on. Finally, what are your thoughts about any of this? Join the conversation!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)