Deadly Possession and Shattering Innocence

Cheers Sexy People,

I’m writing this post with a heavy heart. While I was having a “date night” with my boyfriend last night, frolicking all over our local area enjoying the holidays, and then we were getting ready to settle in for the evening for a fun, sexy night at home, I got confirmation that there was a murder in my childhood home. The family that had bought my home that my parents owned for over half a century had been attacked. The stalker ex-boyfriend, a cop mind you, had just gotten served papers regarding “protection against abuse” towards his ex. He was angered by this, and went to their home and shot and killed his former ex-girlfriend and wounded another family member as well. Lo and behold, my childhood home that we sold to them only several years ago was on the front page of the local newspaper as a crime scene, with cops walking in and out of the front door. There was caution tape all over the lawn and porch where all of my prom photos had been taken, and we had so many happy memories. The christmas tree that I am looking at now as I write this used to be in the very living room where a woman was murdered this week in front of her family.

Well, the “date” portion of our evening was pretty much over after that. As I looked at the newspaper article that my sister texted me, and spoke to her on the phone, I couldn’t help but start weeping for this family, and the strangeness that it happened in my home that my family owned for most of our lives. It felt to me that an innocence was shattered in me (amazing that I feel I have any innocence left!), and on this block – a neighborhood that I always felt safe in. We used to play tennis in the street in front of my house, throw birthday parties, graduation and retirement parties, and rarely locked our doors except for vacations to the Jersey shore. It hit me so deeply and severely in a way that is hard to describe, and it was traumatizing. I actually started to feel like I was having a relapse into depression and hopelessness. Just when I’ve been on another long, positive, happy streak, another blow comes along to knock the winds very clearly out of my sails, and in this case, a woman is dead. She won’t get to watch her children take prom photos on the same lawn that I did. And her children lose their mother being there for them on that day and all days forward. Wow. That hurts. And is quite upsetting.

At first, my boyfriend didn’t completely understand my sense of loss. As I wept and talked to my sister on speaker phone with him, the light bulb started to go off and he held me and let me cry into his chest, off an on for the rest of the night. We did manage to finally make dinner together (well, OK, HE made dinner, I watched) and he opened up and shared some things that really make him melancholy and sad. Eventually my husband came home. He was giving us our space for our “date night”, which ironically had gone awry given the tragic news of the murder. When he eventually came more, I got more needed hugs and sympathy. And we all tried to make sense of the craziness in this world. As I try to spread love, kindness and compassion, others are spreading violence, hatred and ignorance. Though I felt despair and hopelessness last night, today I am filled with renewed hope, partly because of the outpouring of support and kind words that came back to me and my family as we all try to make sense of this family’s tragic circumstances that they are dealing with, regardless of what home this happened in. But I can tell you firsthand, I now know with much greater clarity the saying “That really hits home.” Well, you got that right! That really DOES hit home!

The stalker portion of this story really “hits home” as well because my sister has a stalker. What if this had happened to her?! Also, I realized that my first boyfriend had stalked me too! He went all crazy when he found out – get this – that I cheated on him! Ever since I can remember, I apparently have not been satisfied with only one man – I was polyamorous but didn’t know what that was – and it enraged this first love in my life so much that he hit me and then stalked me. I had to get the cops to order him away from me. Luckily, I survived just fine and learned to have a much better “radar” for possessive, violent, stalker types, thus I learned from that situation. I also learned how to not get “caught” cheating, until I finally found polyamory, and the ethics and honesty that goes along with it while having more than one love in your life. I understand now that it doesn’t have to be ugly and awful, it can be beautiful and open.

After we ate dinner last night, I asked both my boyfriend and my husband if we could cuddle on the couch together (with me in the middle, of course). I just wanted to hold both of their hands, and try to soothe myself and slowly try to center myself again, as we watched mindless TV. I wanted to lull myself to sleep between the two loves of my life. I cherish the moments with them. We all know we are not going to be on this earth forever, but we hope that we can enjoy each other for as long as we can, and that our lives won’t end tragically at the hands of a raging, angry, possessive lunatic with a gun. Though my family does not look like the average, “normal” family, it is still my family. And I cherish them and the moments that we share.

I want to give a big shout out to my poly / alternative relationship friends who offered me support over this senseless event. I counted at least seven of my friends that I either met through this blog or in my polyamorous / alternative life who offered kind words, as well as sympathy towards this family that is enduring this loss during this holiday season. Thank you, my friends. I am sending love back to you – and to all of you this holiday season. I also want to urge anyone who has a stalker to take every precaution you possibly can to protect yourself. Tell anyone who will listen that you think they are violent and might cause you or your loved ones harm, get restraining orders (but know that they only help so much), get security systems installed in your homes, tell your neighbors to help watch out for you and your house, move if you have to. Do whatever you can to protect yourself. I am planning to take a self-defense class soon. Take one in your area!

Please remember: Take violence, any threats you receive, excessive harassment, any verbal or physical abuse seriously! Take action! Protect yourself! Feel free to let me know how you have done so in the comments area below. 

Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)

Kitty