Cheers, Sexy People,
This upcoming weekend is my boyfriend’s birthday. And I am getting so very excited planning special, awesome, hopefully jaw-dropping activities to help celebrate another year that my other love is present on our spinning blue earth. Though I would love to tell you what I’m preparing, I don’t want any spoilers here in case he hears through the grapevine. (He actually does not read my blog, and after I reflected on that, I decided that is totally fine. He’s not really a blog reader in general, so why force him to be? It would be my ego that wants him to read these posts, and I am not here to control him or his actions. I can tell tales of my poly family here for all of you, without requiring an audience of my own family. My husband does read it though. LOL At least one of my loves does, and that’s enough for me. Hi, baby!)
I’d like to celebrate two things with today’s post, that are both worthy of cheering…
1) I successfully “came out” as polyamorous to yet another friend this past weekend. This particular friend used to be an employee of mine at my former job. I hired her when she was about 23 years old. Wow! So young! We became good friends while she worked for me, but we maintained that professional distance that you are supposed to maintain between a boss and an employee. We felt like beloved roommates to each other in a way, and enjoyed telling each other very strange stories from our lives that somehow overlapped or were similar. I think of her like a sister. She eventually left to enjoy motherhood in a more full-time manner, which I respected, though I feared the loss of her on my team (with good reason, she was sorely missed). She worked for me recently for my new company, which was grand!
This past weekend, she and some other close friends came over for our first game night. My husband and boyfriend were there (my husband on my team, my competitive boyfriend on the other team. Haha! There were many cries of “cheater, cheater” throughout the night which was quite hilarious and ironic, given that we are polyamorous). After everyone else had left, I got into a deep conversation with my friend where she offered up that she would always love me no matter what I did or how I engaged with my life or my relationships. Well, that seemed to be an open door if there ever was one! So I walked through it and explained that I am polyamorous (like many others, she was unfamiliar with the word), and that I live with my husband and my boyfriend (who was victorious with my friend as her teammate in our game night, thus she thought fondly of him. Haha!). She took the information like a champ, saying that she always knew I was “kinky” and a “swinger”, and that yes, she knew what “polyandry” was. I gently explained that being polyamorous does not mean that you are a “swinger”, and that polyamory and polyandry are two different things, with the latter being illegal in our country.
To clarify terms here, polyandry is a form of polygamy whereby a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time. Polyandry is contrasted with polygyny, involving one male and two or more females.
My friend and I continued our lovely conversation until way too early in the morning. But it was a much needed talk, and we felt much closer to each other as a result. Now that we don’t work together in an office where it is difficult to be so candid about our personal lives, I cherish that I can now share this aspect of my life with her, and open yet another mind just a bit more, paving the way for other poly folk to express themselves and not feel so “weird”. We are the polyamorists next door. And I’m proud of it.
2) My good friend Wry who lives in California recently let me know that he has created a YouTube channel where he shares polyamorous related videos, including interviews of himself and one of his close (and lovely) girlfriends. I am wicked proud of him, and his girlfriend aptly named “Wicked”. And I would like to share it with all of you here on Loving Without Boundaries so that you have another tool in your polyamorous toolkit.
Each poly family and configuration is different in how it approaches negotiating boundaries and agreements between the members, time management, and communication rituals. I really enjoyed watching this awesome video that Wry and his girlfriend put together where they discuss their own Communication Rituals, which happen to be very close to mine with my poly family. Check it out here:
Bookmark and check out at your leisure the rest of Wry’s YouTube Channel content here:
Way to go, Wry Man, you rock! I am so proud of what you are doing for the polyamorous community and the poly-curious, and those thinking of dipping their toe into open relationships. Again to state it here, not that there is anything wrong with monogamy. We just want people to know that there are other ethical choices out there that maybe some don’t know about. We are creating a loving and supportive community for those that may want to go “against the norm.”
What about you? What are your communication rituals in your poly unit? Or do you have any “coming out” stores to share? Do tell! It helps all of us!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too)