Cheers Sexy People!
Sometimes friendship, hope and camaraderie comes from the most unlikely and potentially faraway places. This past weekend was for me a wonderful celebration of such things. I had the opportunity to meet a close, online polyamorous-practicing friend of mine when our paths were able to cross in New York City. How divine!
Let me es’plain (say like Desi Arnaz from I Love Lucy)
I’ve been writing this blog now for over 1.5 years. When I started writing it, it was just after my boyfriend had gone through a very difficult period with a woman that he was dating, and he had just moved in with my husband and I. I had NO IDEA how that was all going to work out. Turns out we are all still happily living together, and loving every minute of it.
Rewind to another 1.5 years prior to that, I was in a very bad place. I had suffered loss after loss in my life, and was faced with my mother’s failing health, and having to put her in a suitable nursing home for dimentia patients, and knew that I was going to have to sell my childhood home to boot. Wow. I was emotionally overwhelmed and distraught. I decided that it was time once again to seek out therapy (this would be the third time in my lifetime that I would be doing so. I am a firm believer in hiring professionals to do what professionals do, and ignore “stigmas” such as the “stigma” of seeking therapy. Just because I need some emotional and psychological help during a rough patch, that does not mean that I am “crazy.” It merely means that I need help. I think the world would be a much better place if more people thought so). At that point of my life, I needed to seek out a polyamorous-friendly therapist. I reached out and consulted the Interwebs and various poly forums. And a very nice man from Canada reached back to me, and offered me a resource for me to check out. I ended up not hiring that therapist, choosing instead another more local poly-friendly therapist (who ironically just sent me a letter yesterday that she is now retiring. Booooo!). But that interaction with that kind man unknowingly at the time was the beginning of a wonderful and loving friendship.
We shared polyamorous stories, and slowly got to know each other. We cracked jokes about the hilarity and insanity of it all. Eventually, we learned to trust each other, and began telling each other disturbing things that had happened in our lives, and things that troubled us. We offered each other support and comfort in times of stress. We lent an ear and a shoulder when we had bad days that brought us to tears. We became close friends. The beautiful and interesting part about this story … is that we had never met. Partly thanks to me expanding my mind and my imagination to dream of creating my own unusual family, and believing in alternative relationships against all odds, my mind was open to believing in relationships that can transcend miles and miles of distance, across the globe, across countries, across borders. In some ways, this friendship was giving me much needed support that I was not finding in friendships that were close to home. Finding people who “get us” can be so important, especially in times of stress.
We found some solidarity in one another, each with our own unusual polyamorous configuration. I live with my husband and boyfriend in an open style relationship with these two handsome fellas, meaning that they are both free to date other people, and do. (Though I am free to date other people if I wish, I simply don’t really have the time or the energy right now to do so. But because I am open to the “concept”, I still consider myself open also because that makes me happy). Yet my friend is in a polyfidelitous style of relationship, meaning there are three adults (my friend, his partner and her husband) who are committed to each other, but none of them date anyone else. There are also children in their blended, modern family that make up their happy, loving domicile. Many times, if I was having a problem with my boyfriend, I would consult this friend, partly because in at least some ways, he could answer from a similar position to my beau (as a man in a poly relationship with a married woman). It was comforting, helpful, and gave me much needed perspective. And I am publicly thanking this wonderful specimen of a human being here. Thank you! Thanks for being you, thanks for being my friend, and thanks for all the fish (reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, just for fun).
So after almost three years of friendship, we were able to meet up in NYC this weekend. It was wicked cool. My husband and I had dinner with my friend and most of his family, and I got to meet his partner, who is a lovely woman. She very sweetly inquired where my boyfriend was (in front of her children who are used to poly configurations, which I thought was a neat experience). I explained that he was home tending to our two kittens, and having “man cave time”. 🙂 Overall, we all laughed, grinned and eventually hugged after a simply awesome Italian meal.
What I think is wonderful about such an arrangement is enjoying the beauty of simple love. To quote what another friend said to me about this: “I get to have this wonderful connection that’s been allowed to grow into a deep, loving friendship, while still honoring boundaries. That is my favorite part of polyamory – the authentic human connections.” Well said, my friend!
Curious about the various forms of diverse, poly configurations and their growing existence in our world? Here’s an article for further reading…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201311/diversity-and-polyamory
So if anyone out there wants to believe in love of all kinds, please do! It is there for the taking. You just have to find it. It might even bite you in the arse when you least expect it (giggity). Go tell someone you love them! Go enjoy your poly moments, now and in the future, and go be awesome out there in the world!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)
Kitty
