Cheers Sexy People!
Ahhhhhhh, the holidays… a time for running around like a completely insane person all while trying not to hit squirrels as they cross the street, having and making lists (presents, groceries, people to NOT see over the holidays, parties to attend, parties to avoid, etc), and visiting… FAMILY. I’ve been thinking alot about family lately… for a whole slew of reasons. I recently read this quote:
“Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.”
Hmmmmm, I like that. We don’t CHOOSE our relatives. But we can CHOOSE our family. That’s apparently what I’m doing leading my polyamorous life. I am building and choosing my intentional family.
Last nite, my husband took me to see a new musical that debuted here in Washington, DC as an early Christmas present. It’s entitled “If / Then”, and features two of the original cast members from the musical “Rent”, which (confession time) happens to be my favorite musical of all time, for a whole slew of reasons. The play was literally about choices… and fate… and destiny… and “what if’s”… such as if you choose this path, what would alternatively have happened if you chose THAT path… and also… what do you do with the choices that happen upon your path… do you pick them up and look at them?… or do you walk AROUND them??? I actually thought it was quite interesting and hilarious that he took me to see this play last nite, because I thought it went quite nicely with where I’m at now (contemplating how to build my intentional family, who are the members, where are the members, do they live with me or not, are they on this side of the globe or that one, etc.)
The play was very insightful, and inspiring, and the singing and lyrics were epicly awesome. It was one of those plays that really makes you think. And for me, it really made me think of all of the little decisions that we all make in our lives. My decision to start this blog, my decision to embrace polyamory and pursue relationships outside of my marriage, my potential decision to lead a childfree life, my decision to eat trail mix for breakfast, my decision to dye my hair purple, etc.
A quote that I really liked from the play was:
Love doesn’t make you perfect, but it makes you want to be.
I try to live my life rolling with the moment and seeing where it takes me. Sometimes connections with other people can feel out of our control… it just … happens… You may choose not to WALK AROUND IT so to speak, but to walk THROUGH IT by choice. If a potential connection with another human being happens to you in your life, how far are you willing to go to pursue that potential friendship? What if they were placed upon your path for a reason, a reason that maybe you don’t see just yet… Do you follow your heart? Do you follow your head? Which path do you choose? If life circumstances allow you to pursue a connection that feels right, why would you not, right??? (well, if you’re a smart, insightful person that is. I know many people who sit on their asses and do nothing no matter how many “signs” come their way to tell them otherwise).
Over the weekend, I went to my grade school reunion. Yeah, that’s right, I said grade school reunion. Haha. I helped plan it. Not sure why I did THAT. Maybe I’m searching for my roots as I’m searching for my family. In grade school, I was the dorky, encyclopedia kid with braces and coke bottle glasses. I was a nerd with a capital N. So going to the reunions, my childhood classmates say, what happened to this formerly demure girl? Where did this new girl come from? A phrase I kept hearing throughout the nite was: “I look forward to seeing your crazy photos on Facebook because I never know what I’m going to see next.” Hahaha, OK that did kind of give me a “happy”, though I’m not quite sure why. Is it that I’m leading what appears to be an exciting life, even though I used to envy the “normal, traditional, 2.5 kids family” dynamic that seemed elusive to me? Is it because I wonder why they don’t realize that they can be doing whatever the heck they want to too? Is it some other reason? I don’t know. But it was interesting.
While I as at the reunion telling them about my life (what I chose to tell them, they don’t need to know who my bedmates are, especially as I never see these people in my everyday life), I received a call from my poly friend in LA that I have never met in person, but who helped me from afar through some difficult poly stuff in the past. I stared at the phone when it buzzed, smiled and thought WTF (that’s What The Fuck, for you laymen. haha), and decided to pick it up. We had a fun and hilarious conversation for about ten minutes. I told him where I was and how funny it was that a poly friend was calling me in the middle of this rather “vanilla” reunion. I still feel soooooo different from these people. And get annoyed that they get to talk about THEIR family (kids, spouses, etc), but I feel awkward talking about MY family (lovers, intimates, confidantes). To me, family is family. And I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this. But why do they get to love several children, who are merely small, young people… yet I feel uncomfortable telling them about how I love several adults. I mean, really… what’s the difference? Family is family. Love is love. And I don’t judge your family. Why judge mine? And why do I EXPECT you to judge mine? Oh yeah, because we were all raised Catholic… And you all are going for the same thing (traditional family with kids) and I am going for something else that feels right to me. I am not ashamed of what I am doing… but I do wish it was more accepted to make this all not be so difficult. I’ve had enough difficult stuff to deal with. Now I’m just trying to be happy… Is that so wrong? I daresay I think not.
Well… at this juncture of my life, I welcome what happens next, for a whole slew of reasons: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the epicly awesome, with open arms and an open heart. I’m super psyched for what’s next. I’m ready. Bring it. Bring it all. And bring the best that you got. I can handle it… Oh, and bring me a cup of Joe too, please, with fat free milk. I’m gonna need some extra caffeine for this next adventure!
For further reading, a friend sent me the below article about “Modern Families”. It feels rather relevant to this blog post. Here’s an excerpt
“We had an immediate connection but didn’t think of it as romantic or sexual. She was one of the most beautiful, charming, brilliant and funny people I had ever met, but it didn’t occur to me, until that soul-searching moment in my garden, that we could perhaps choose to love each other romantically.
What had I been waiting for all of these years? She is the person I like being with the most, the one with whom I am most myself.
The next time I saw her, in New York, I shared my confusing feelings, and we began the long, painful, wonderful process of trying to figure out what our relationship was supposed to be.
…And I have never understood the distinction of “primary” partner. Does that imply we have secondary and tertiary partners, too? Can my primary partner be my sister or child or best friend, or does it have to be someone I am having sex with? I have two friends who are sisters who have lived together for 15 years and raised a daughter. Are they not partners because they don’t have sex? And many married couples I know haven’t had sex for years. Are they any less partners?
My feelings about attachment and partnership have always been that they are fluid and evolving. Whomever I love, however I love them, whether they sleep in my bed or not, “love is love.”
Maybe, in the end, a modern family is just a more honest family.”
Here’s a link to the full article. Enjoy… if you so choose. 🙂
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too)