Cheers Sexy People!
Happy Monday, Loving Without Boundaries gang! I’m very excited to share my latest podcast interview with a new colleague and friend of mine, Ari Shaffer. We met virtually as she was doing research on finding polyamorous-related podcasts to help her get the good word out on her recently published first novel. Ari is an author, coach and counselor. As a psychotherapist, her focus has been trauma and addictions with a specialty in dissociative disorders. Her latest book, “The Timeshare” reflects that. It’s a psychological thriller with a strong element of unconditional love and polyamory. When an editor reviewed it she said; “The concept of this story is wonderous, but it’s not exactly your mother’s happily ever after. It’s gorgeous, poignant, loving, redefining romance. While it’s got all the trappings of a romance, readers will expect that the happy couple will be – you know – a couple, rather than a poly group. Yes, I love this idea. The concept is brilliant.”
Seeing a gap in services, Ari started a nonprofit to serve traumatized teens for which she received numerous awards. She serves on several advisory boards and mentors both coaches and therapists. She’s been a contributing author to several books on business and parenting, authored a book on the mindset of successful career seekers and authored and illustrated two children’s picture books.
She continues to write in addition to providing personal coaching to her amazing clients. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, taking geeky classes, doing pottery, and maintaining a relatively unhealthy obsession with Star Trek.
Some topics we discuss in this educational, highly interesting, and cool interview:
— How she always loved psychology with a special interest in multiple personality disorder.
— She describes how she started out as a therapist back in 1985, but then it was a natural progression into coaching work since 2004.
— How even while having her masters in education and psychology, by the time she had her second child, she realized just how hard parenting can be. And then how she took a parenting class and it “saved her life.”
— She believes in going where your passion takes you, and loves seeing folks putting positive energy out into the world.
— How her consensual non-monogamy lightbulb moment was more like a “dimmer switch” situation, in that she had always felt that whatever works for you in life and relationships is great! It’s a “birth thing” meaning identifying in a particular way when young is just how us humans work in her mind. She always struggled with why anyone would have a problem with folks who are different? Live your authentic life for you!
— We discuss her latest novel – a psychological thriller – at length. The book marries multiple personality disorder with polyamory in a fascinating twists and turns type of way including with lots of little mysteries woven in. Fascinating!
— How one of Ari’s missions is to de-stigmatize mental health issues.
— How working on various communication issues has been some of her biggest challenges. She notices that we often feel shame around our feelings (such as jealousy which is really grounded in fear). If we can just be honest with ourselves and others about what we are feeling, our vulnerability can become our strength. We can then work as a team with our partners on issues such as jealousy for more of a teamwork philosophy.
Some resources that Ari mentions in her interview with me are:
Mim Chapman: http://mimchapman.com/pubs.php
Thank you Ari, for being so awesomely generous with your time; for your counseling and creative writing work; and for sharing your wisdom and insights with us via the podcast interview! It was enlightening, energetic, and so fun! Follow Ari’s work and adventures at booksbyari.com and on Instagram @sebi_godwulf.
To hear the podcast, go to the Podcast link here and subscribe to the Loving Without Boundaries podcast, and check out Episode 93 with Ari. Also, please help spread awareness of alternative lifestyles and create more tolerance for consensual non-monogamy in the world at large by Rating and Reviewing the Loving Without Boundaries podcast in iTunes. It only takes a few minutes.
If you would like to be interviewed either in written form or via audio on the podcast, please feel free to contact me and we will set something up. Thank you!
EXCLUSIVE CONTENT OFFER – We continue to have some exciting goings on here at Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). We now have exclusive content for you via the LWB podcast and my Patreon page for those who choose to become a patron. Please visit the link to check out how you can come join the party over at Patreon! Want to hear more from our amazing interviewees? You got it! Want to dig deeper into the community and your fellow poly folk? Right on, let’s do it! Want free coaching sessions? It’s all there! Come join us, and enjoy exclusive content made just for you, our patrons of this work!
NOTE: Soon I will be offering a monthly group “hangout” and coaching call for all of our podcast patrons at any level that are above $1 a month. If you are supporting the podcast, I am supporting you on your journey. Come join us and meet like-minded folks on the same journey you are!
1) Free LWB Facebook Group for Healthy, Sex Positive, Open Relationships — Ready to explore healthy, deeply connected (and virtually jealousy-free) open relationships? It’s all possible – especially when surrounded by a community of people already doing it. Many in newly open relationships experience roller coaster emotions of jealousy, insecurity, and feel alone on their journey. That’s why I created this free Facebook group where people are coming together to share actionable tips for succeeding in multiple loving relationships, explore deeper love, and find mutual understanding and support. There’s an abundance of rock star information posted in the group daily by our amazing members. We create a safe place to engage that’s fun and thrilling! Click here and request to join our free group!
2) Beyond The Love (BTL) (Columbus, Ohio), November 9–11, 2018 — Beyond The Love is a 3-day polyamory convention in Columbus, Ohio, held yearly. They are in our sixth year and focus on education, workshops, social activities, meeting other polyamory people, and fun! From their website: “Falling in love is the easy part. But what happens after that? Beyond The Love’s mission is to provide an opportunity for the polyamorous community to come together in an educational and social forum. At Beyond the Love you will find a wealth of classes, workshops and mini events to learn tools, techniques and communication skills to enhance our poly relationships. We provide a safe environment for meeting with other like-minded people in a supportive and inclusive community. We welcome all those living a poly lifestyle or considering doing so. We are passionate about recognizing poly as a relationship choice and sharing common experiences on our many different paths. We hope you’ll join us and share yours!” NOTE: I will not only be presenting two workshops at BTL, I will also be the Keynote Speaker Friday night! Come join us at this fun polyamorous conference!
See you on the flip side, lovely community! Keep being brave, compassionately vulnerable, and uniquely and authentically you!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness
(and thrilling, fun sex too!)
Need more specific help aligning your relationships with who you are?
** Discover Your Core Values & Create More Meaning in Your Love Life **
Are you feeling a little lost, challenged, or uninspired in your relationships and would love some guidance on your journey?
Our Free Breakthrough Session Call is a great place to start your path of discovery, so you can have more loving and intimate relationships that inspire you! And our “Discover Your Path to Fulfillment in Open Relationships” coaching packages are a deeper-dive into the topic of self-discovery with alternative relationships, with a one-on-one guide to achieve maximum results in your life. Whether you’re already non-monogamous, involved with someone who is, or “poly-curious” and wondering if non-monogamy might be right for you, I work with people struggling with every aspect of multiple intimate relationships.