Cheers Sexy People!
I don’t know about you but speaking for myself, I am super big on nurturing and improving my emotional, mental as well as physical well-being. My inner peace and emotional state are incredibly important to me, as well as my sanity! I work very hard at surrounding myself with uplifting, inspiring, awesome people in my life who love me for me (including the polyamorous, love-filled, sex-positive me). People who love and encourage the things that I truly admire and love about myself! People who ADD to my life helping it be full of energy and AWESOME!
When the opposite happens, it causes me to stop and take heed. Are there people in your life that drain you of your energy? That bring out the worst in you? People who seem to make mountains out of molehills unnecessarily? My brother-in-law taught my husband and I a great phrase that I reflect on often:
Only get upset about things that are TRULY worth getting upset about.
Love that! Such wise words to live by! How often do we or people in our lives BLOW UP about something that does not actually necessitate that kind of escalation? Got in a car accident? Yes totally an upset-worthy, life-threatening situation. Lose your favorite flip-flop? Well now that might be more of a “bummer” type of situation but do you really need to SCREAM and blame the dog, get all riled up and in a tizzy about the lost flip-flop? Perhaps some perspective is in order for your own mental and inner peace. Is there another more empowering and healthy way to look at this situation? It’s always so helpful to remember that we are in charge of our reactions to what life brings, as well as our own inner state and our own happiness and well-being. We can all grow and change, and that understanding is fundamental to the personal growth process. We each are ultimately responsible for our own state of being – we must find and walk our own path, and it will be different from anyone else.
One way I positively affect my own mental state is by focusing on GRATITUDE. Every. Single. Day. (there are apps for that!)
I am grateful for the things I learned in a recent relationships workshop by Cunning Minx and Lusty Guy that helped me get through a very challenging day recently. It was one of those sh*t days that we all have, filled with unwanted “drama”, and dealing with soul sucking situations, and ended with me in a puddle of frustrated tears. I asked my astrology loving friend: “Is there a ‘Moon In Uranus‘ going on today or what? Today is ‘koo-koo’” (and not in a “for cocoa puffs” fun kind of way for those that get that “my age is showing” joke).
Here are some big takeaways that helped me on that stressful and frustrating day:
1) Drama definition: Adding amplifications to emotional reactions – meaning turning volume up to eleven (versus ten) when you don’t have to.
2) Emotions come from within —> no one makes you feel anything (so let’s stop blaming each other!).
3) Own Your Shit – Take personal responsibility for understanding, diagnosing, analyzing and stating your emotions.
4) Be Liberal With Your Apologies – Everyone wants to hear “I’m sorry.” It’s NOT a sign of weakness or assuming blame to apologize.
So today I am grateful for the drama free, positive, encouraging people in my life (many that I cherish and appreciate are in this Loving Without Boundaries community 🙂 ), for what I learned at that workshop at RelateCon that got me through, and for my determination to not let other’s negativity, anger, resentment, limiting beliefs, or jealousy ever stop me from achieving my goals and being happy. EVER!!!!
BACK AWAY SLOWLY…
I find watching drama unfold – especially with people that you felt you once knew so well and felt so valued and cherished by – can be so freaking frustrating. I realize that there are ways that I don’t want to BE or FEEL in relationships anymore – whether it feels like manipulation, walking on eggshells constantly (thus I can’t truly be myself), or lack of acceptance (of my lifestyle?) showing up as avoidance or passive aggressive criticism. Finding out who your friends are really hurts sometimes. Frankly there are moments I feel discriminated against for being different too. Even if people are accepting in words or even in theory of my polyamorous lifestyle, this fact of who I am today can suddenly make them feel like they have nothing in common with me anymore. I’ve moved on to a happy-for-me way of life and they are in a very different place. People change. Relationships change too, and it can be hard to maintain that unless BOTH are willing. Sometimes your friend may not be showing signs that he/she is willing. Friendships can be so hard and letting go is even harder. A major benefit of friendship is the gift of feeling loved and respected for who we are. When that is missing, it’s a major sign that it’s time to think about the relationship and if it’s worth the effort.
Remember that each ending makes room for a new beginning. Fear of walking away from a toxic friendship only keeps you both stuck and stunts your growth. On the other hand, finding the courage to explore difficult questions ultimately raises the bar and redefines the kind of friendships that are worth your time, energy and love.
Here are some great articles about when to decide to leave a friendship or decide if it is toxic to you or not:
Go where you are wanted, and remove toxic friends from your life. The good ones will stick around! I’m trying to remember that. Keep in mind: We all love to have people in our lives that appreciate the parts of us that we love ourselves (thus go where you are loved for the best – and even the worst – of you!) You can become whole, and love and trust deeply again after a difficult relationship ends. Getting there is a journey that you take moment by moment. I hope you find some comfort and insight in these words – and that you pass on the wisdom that you have gained to help others on their path.
What about you? Please feel free to share your experiences, thoughts and insights in the comments section below. Sharing is caring!
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too)