Cheers Sexy People!

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I don’t know about you but speaking for myself, I am super big on nurturing and improving my emotional, mental as well as physical well-being. My inner peace and emotional state are incredibly important to me, as well as my sanity! I work very hard at surrounding myself with uplifting, inspiring, awesome people in my life who love me for me (including the polyamorous, love-filled, sex-positive me). People who love and encourage the things that I truly admire and love about myself! People who ADD to my life helping it be full of energy and AWESOME!

When the opposite happens, it causes me to stop and take heed. Are there people in your life that drain you of your energy? That bring out the worst in you? People who seem to make mountains out of molehills unnecessarily? My brother-in-law taught my husband and I a great phrase that I reflect on often:

Only get upset about things that are TRULY worth getting upset about.

Love that! Such wise words to live by! How often do we or people in our lives BLOW UP about something that does not actually necessitate that kind of escalation? Got in a car accident? Yes totally an upset-worthy, life-threatening situation. Lose your favorite flip-flop? Well now that might be more of a “bummer” type of situation but do you really need to SCREAM and blame the dog, get all riled up and in a tizzy about the lost flip-flop? Perhaps some perspective is in order for your own mental and inner peace. Is there another more empowering and healthy way to look at this situation? It’s always so helpful to remember that we are in charge of our reactions to what life brings, as well as our own inner state and our own happiness and well-being. We can all grow and change, and that understanding is fundamental to the personal growth process. We each are ultimately responsible for our own state of being – we must find and walk our own path, and it will be different from anyone else.

PRACTICING GRATITUDE

One way I positively affect my own mental state is by focusing on GRATITUDE. Every. Single. Day. (there are apps for that!)

I am grateful for the things I learned in a recent relationships workshop by Cunning Minx and Lusty Guy that helped me get through a very challenging day recently. It was one of those sh*t days that we all have, filled with unwanted “drama”, and dealing with soul sucking situations, and ended with me in a puddle of frustrated tears. I asked my astrology loving friend: “Is there a ‘Moon In Uranus‘ going on today or what? Today is ‘koo-koo’” (and not in a “for cocoa puffs” fun kind of way for those that get that “my age is showing” joke). 

Here are some big takeaways that helped me on that stressful and frustrating day:

1) Drama definition: Adding amplifications to emotional reactions – meaning turning volume up to eleven (versus ten) when you don’t have to.

2) Emotions come from within —> no one makes you feel anything (so let’s stop blaming each other!).

3) Own Your Shit – Take personal responsibility for understanding, diagnosing, analyzing and stating your emotions.

4) Be Liberal With Your Apologies – Everyone wants to hear “I’m sorry.” It’s NOT a sign of weakness or assuming blame to apologize.

So today I am grateful for the drama free, positive, encouraging people in my life (many that I cherish and appreciate are in this Loving Without Boundaries community 🙂 ), for what I learned at that workshop at RelateCon that got me through, and for my determination to not let other’s negativity, anger, resentment, limiting beliefs, or jealousy ever stop me from achieving my goals and being happy. EVER!!!!

IMG_0878BACK AWAY SLOWLY…

I find watching drama unfold – especially with people that you felt you once knew so well and felt so valued and cherished by – can be so freaking frustrating. I realize that there are ways that I don’t want to BE or FEEL in relationships anymore – whether it feels like manipulation, walking on eggshells constantly (thus I can’t truly be myself), or lack of acceptance (of my lifestyle?) showing up as avoidance or passive aggressive criticism. Finding out who your friends are really hurts sometimes. Frankly there are moments I feel discriminated against for being different too. Even if people are accepting in words or even in theory of my polyamorous lifestyle, this fact of who I am today can suddenly make them feel like they have nothing in common with me anymore. I’ve moved on to a happy-for-me way of life and they are in a very different place. People change. Relationships change too, and it can be hard to maintain that unless BOTH are willing. Sometimes your friend may not be showing signs that he/she is willing. Friendships can be so hard and letting go is even harder. A major benefit of friendship is the gift of feeling loved and respected for who we are. When that is missing, it’s a major sign that it’s time to think about the relationship and if it’s worth the effort.

Remember that each ending makes room for a new beginning. Fear of walking away from a toxic friendship only keeps you both stuck and stunts your growth. On the other hand, finding the courage to explore difficult questions ultimately raises the bar and redefines the kind of friendships that are worth your time, energy and love.

Here are some great articles about when to decide to leave a friendship or decide if it is toxic to you or not:

How To Deal With a One-Sided Friendship

6 Things To Consider If You’re In An Unhealthy Friendship

Use Medium Chill and Improve Your Life Today

Go where you are wanted, and remove toxic friends from your life. The good ones will stick around! I’m trying to remember that. Keep in mind: We all love to have people in our lives that appreciate the parts of us that we love ourselves (thus go where you are loved for the best – and even the worst – of you!) You can become whole, and love and trust deeply again after a difficult relationship ends. Getting there is a journey that you take moment by moment. I hope you find some comfort and insight in these words – and that you pass on the wisdom that you have gained to help others on their path.

What about you? Please feel free to share your experiences, thoughts and insights in the comments section below. Sharing is caring! 

Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex too)

Kitty

 

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6 Comments
  1. Good Morning Kitty ~ Two comments please: Once again I find myself on parallel tracks with you. Though I might use different words, I agree with all of your thoughts here. Thanks for sharing!

    My other comment is that it is great to see you and your thoughts in this post. Your podcasts and interviews are marvelous, no doubt. It is an excellent change of pace to hear from you directly. It is also great to have a written post; something that I can read leisurely with my morning coffee.

    Cheers right back to you!

    • kitty c

      Good afternoon, Lightfoot! It is always such a lovely pleasure to hear from you. How interesting that you happen to find yourself on parallel tracks with me right now. Maybe I should have called you when this event was going on and we could have compared notes. 🙂 Feel free to reach out if you ever need to. I’m happy to chat and roll ideas around. You are so welcome!

      And thank you! Yes I LOVE writing very much. I do find it sometimes challenging to carve out the time and energy to do so, whereas the podcast interviews take a little less “out of me.” I also am trying to find my voice here after becoming a certified professional coach (which took alot of time out of me over the last year), while simultaneously respecting other’s privacy. Sometimes to be safe in that latter arena, I write nothing at all. It’s important to protect our loved one’s feelings, so I tread very carefully.

      My over-arching goal though is always to help others including this awesome community. So when I can find the words, the time, and the grace, I do so whole-heartedly!

  2. Clarathegreat

    I once went to a yoga class where the teacher pointed out that ALL creatures experience stress. In fact, one could argue that animals live MUCH more stressful lives – what with the threat of being eaten by predators and all. How do they keep on carrying on? They literally shake it off. Watch your pet: something happens…like your puppy is so happy to see you she skids right into the wall as she is galloping towards you. She’ll right herself, shake it off, and keep going. She does not go to Facebook to say, “You wouldn’t believe what just happened to me!”. She doesn’t start yelling at , “The damn wall”. She doesn’t sulk or pout because “the wall made me look stupid”. She just lets it go. I try to live like a puppy. Why hold on to things that don’t serve? They do make you a cranky, and frankly, egocentric kind of person.

    And Kitty – I echo Lightfoot. I love the blog posts – forget your loyal readers as you build your poly empire!!!

    XOXOXOXO

    • LightFoot McBride

      “Live like a puppy.” I love that image and feeling. Thanks clarathegreat!

      • kitty c

        Yeah, she rocks, doesn’t she? 🙂

    • kitty c

      OMG, Clarathegreat, I LOVE THIS! The puppy hitting the wall thing is AWESOME! I am so stealing that! And thanks for sharing! Yay! I love “the wall made me look stupid” highlight as it is so easy to see how ridiculous that is! Why hold on to things that don’t serve indeed? What a great thought and question!

      Thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words about my written blog posts such as this one. I appreciate knowing that you are one of my loyal readers, and that many enjoy the reading and pondering that comes from it. I do enjoy that form of creation very much. My word for the year is “focus”. So please forgive me that for the first part of the year, I was intentionally “focusing” on getting two coaching certifications which took up a ton of time, as well as creating and giving some workshops. Something had to give to create the space to do that, and I guess writing was one of them. With your encouragement and support, I will continue to create time moving forward to continue to write here. You rock, Clarathegreat!!!! Thanks for not going away while I focused on other stuff. I’m back now! Love you!!!!

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