Cheers Sexy People!
Even though I write this blog doling out any insights I find, and do oodles of research on polyamory / ethical non-monogamy, communication, relationships, etc, sometimes I fuck up anyway. I view trying to live an ethically non-monogamous life, juggling more than one relationship, and doing my best to live a purposeful, loving and compassionate life as a “practice”, something that I strive for and work on every single day. Each day is a new adventure, a new day to do better, a new day to potentially fuck up again, and learn a new lesson (or maybe the same lesson you learned before, but it didn’t stick the first time, dang it).
Ah, life is fun! What can we learn today?
So I’ll share my latest – in this case – learning experience. Please feel free to learn from my mistakes. We are here to help each other. If you’ve been reading along on my posts, you know that I have recently resigned from my job. I plan to embark on a new career adventure, become self-employed, and be my own boss. It’s all part of my plan to live a more authentic life, being true to who I am, aligned with my values, and utilizing my strengths. One of my strengths I think is talking to you folks and I want to do more of that. 🙂
Anyway, resigning from my job, doing a long good-bye dance (I gave more than two weeks notice for various reasons) is proving to take up quite alot of my time, and takes a fair amount of energy. One of the catalysts to my decision to leave is an insubordinate employee that my bosses seem to love (she IS talented, but has a poor attitude). Sometimes middle management sucks. haha. Suffice it to say that there was a very stressful “incident” last Thursday, and I needed to put her in her place, as her supervisor. Not a fun day, or experience. I have difficulty dealing with my own emotions of anger, and how to manage that emotion. In this case, my hands were trembling as I tried to remain as calm as I could while I disciplined this unprofessional employee. I came home that nite and found consolation by both my boyfriend and husband. I also had a really good cry later that nite in the hot tub with my boyfriend, as I de-stressed from the day and let my emotions out… in that case, sad emotions that I had to deal with this insubordinate young woman, and the stress of wondering if you’re doing the right thing, saying the right thing. Trying to be ethical and live a life of integrity can be EXHAUSTING sometimes. Constant obstacles in your path to navigate around or through. I very much dislike drama, but sometimes it seeks you out anyway, eh?
Fast Forward to Saturday nite: date nite with my beau. It’s going swimmingly overall. He made me an awesome dinner, and we took the cats out on leashes outside for fun. Then later in the evening, he criticized me about something mundane, that had to do with household chores. I felt the comment was untrue, unnecessary and verging on mean in that moment. I would like to emphasize the phrase IN THAT MOMENT. My anger flared up and we proceeded to get into a heck of an argument. I had trouble coming down off of that angry high and the night was more or less ruined. I very much dislike drama, but sometimes it seeks you out anyway, eh? — EVEN WHEN YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF! I accused my boyfriend of ruining the evening with his insensitive comment. But who had really ruined the evening, him or me? If I’m being honest, I have to admit it was me.
As I reflected later, I realized that the stressful encounter with my disruptive employee days earlier had weakened my defenses, even though I wish that it hadn’t and I thought I had everything back under control, emotion wise. But clearly, I was still rattled. One little criticism, and off I went, ruining my own evening, and doing what I try very hard NOT to do: take out something on our loved ones, the ones close to us. Was a date nite maybe not the greatest nite to criticize your lover over something as mundane as household chores, when she’s going through a stressful period of her life? Sure. But did I have to get SO ANGRY? Certainly not. I could have handled it much better. I’m not beating myself up (too much), I’m trying to learn from it, even though it’s a lesson that I have learned before. I could have done any number of more productive things, like:
- Let it roll off my back and laugh it off.
- Said, “honey, I don’t think that’s a fair thing to say. But I hear you.”
- If I felt the anger flare up, I could have excused myself and calmed myself down, and reminded myself that this was small potatoes. Nothing is worth getting upset about unless it’s REALLY worth getting upset about (such as the death of a loved one, a car crash, a layoff, etc).
I later that nite apologized for my part in the argument. And then bought him a peanut butter and chocolate egg treat, because peanut butter and chocolate go together amazingly awesomely… as does polyamory and emotional strength. 🙂
I have found a great article that I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to share with you. This seems like the right moment to me. Haha. This is another article that I personally will read over and over to remind myself of some very important truths. I want to keep this blog post short, so that hopefully, you will take the time to read the article. Please do. I know where some of my triggers are here and areas where I can improve. How about you?
Sharing is caring. Any thoughts that you’d like to add here? Did you like the article? Have you had a similar experience to mine where something tore down your defenses and calm manner, and you were more sensitive than usual?
Wishing you peace, love and happiness,
(and thrilling, fun sex)